Monthly Archives: December 2012

Ke$ha was FORCED to Sing Annoying Song.

Posted on by
Reply

Image

In the wake of the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting, the media has become hyper-sensitive to anything that has a remote mention of violence or death, yanking T.V. episodes off the air and delaying movie premieres, until we all forget about it in two weeks and everything goes back to normal  But, one good thing has come out of all of this: Ke$ha’s song ‘Die Young’ is being yanked off the airwaves too, but for all the wrong reasons.

If you listen to the lyrics of the song, they’re annoying and will probably incite deep feelings of hatred and violence, but it’s not actually about ‘dying young.’  It’s a fucking simile people!

“Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young,”  See that word, ‘like’? It’s saying to have fun and live your life because you may die sooner than you think.  Fuck! I’m not only quoting Ke$ha now, I’m defending her trite, poorly written song.

But even though Ke$ha claims she’s some kind of ‘Warrior,’ she rolled on this thing faster than Lindsay Lohan trying to pin a gram on one of her assistants. Now, she’s apologizing for the song and saying she was forced to sing it even though she didn’t want to, tweeting:

“I had my very own issues with “die young” for this reason.  I did NOT want to sing those lyrics and I was FORCED TO.”

Yes. Forced.  To sing the song. Over and over again, Ad Nauseum. Probably a couple hundred takes in the recording studio, then at all her concerts.  Because Ke$ha’s really smart and she knows what a terrible song it is; she only sang it because they were holding her millions of dollars hostage if she didn’t. It must be really hard standing up for what you believe in after the fact, in order to make yourself appear blameless for something that has absolutely nothing to do with you in the first place.

Image:By Kesha_MuchMusic_Soundcheck.jpg: Jeff Denberg derivative work: Fixer23 (Kesha_MuchMusic_Soundcheck.jpg)

Kim Kardashian Has Compromised Kanye West’s Credibility

Posted on by
Reply
Image

Above: Kanye West looking stunned after being told his career was found in Kim Kardashian’s vadge.

Kim Kardashian’s vagina is like a black hole, a singularity with so much mass and density that it sucks in and crushes anything that comes too close to its gravitational pull, even light. And Kanye West’s career has passed the Event Horizon and is being sucked in like its caught in the Death Star’s tractor beam.  At least that’s what the New York Daily News is saying, without the cool science analogy. Read on:

 A Confidenti@l that West’s popularity is waning and he has become tainted, with too many appearances on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” pictures in the celebrity weeklies and a girlfriend unwelcome in the world of high fashion.

They said ‘taint.’

Once gracing the pages of VMAN and GQ, his face is now splattered all over whatever Kardashian is promoting.

“His personal life is overpowering his music,” an industry source says. “Every time he plays, people are wondering if Kim is going to be there. It’s not a good thing for him, especially if he wants to be taken seriously.”

In Kanye’s last public appearance he pranced around in one of Kim’s leather skirts. And no, that shit was not a ‘kilt,’ don’t even try to pull that one. I take chlamydia seriously; not Kanye.

In the beginning of their relationship, West tried to put his foot down when it came to appearing on the Kardashian family’s shows. “He made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be on her show, but Kim gets upset so he caves in,” adds the source.

So let this be a lesson to all of you out there: Being around Kim Kardashian will ultimately cause your life to unravel in a death spiral.  Ask her cat.

Janice Dickinson is Getting Married…Again!

Posted on by
Reply

Image

Did you ever read that book by F. Scott Fitzgerald about the psychiatrist who marries a patient out of pity and she ends up ruining his personal life and professional credibility?  Well fuck reading, that shit is about to go down in real life when Janice Dickinson marries some nut-case psychiatrist who proposed to her after dating her for three months.  She gets free access to a prescription pad, he gets…uh…to have sex with Janice Dickinson? Is that good?

Janice Dick-Lips is already telling people that her fourth wedding is going to be the best ever; so extravagant that it makes Brad and Angelina’s upcoming wedding look like a trip to the court house. Her words, not mine. Because what’s really important is an over-the-top, extravagant wedding with 1,000 of your closest friends and a life-size ice sculpture of Janice; the whole ‘marriage’ part will work itself out.  At least for a good three months or so.

By 7login7 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

The Daily Discharge

Posted on by
1

ImageRemember when I said that making fun of Lindsay Lohan these days is like barfing in a toilet that somebody’s already taken a dump in? Somebody flushed.  Page6

Brace yourself for the World’s largest camel toe. (SFW, barely) DailyMail

Miley Cyrus looks…Different. wwtdd

That little queer from One Direction was finally able to ditch Taylor Swift and have a good time. IDLYITW

Image:By Christopher Macsurak (Lindsay Lohan) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

Kat Von D Engaged to Dead Mua5, Kind Of

Posted on by
Reply

kat von d

Kat Von D got engaged  this weekend to DJ Deadmau5 who proposed via Twitter using the above picture. Notice the semantics: “Soon, I hope.”

I dated a quite a few losers before I got married (yes, I’m taken. Sorry to ruin Christmas,) so I feel qualified to interpret this.  When a man who wears a mouse hat tweets you a picture of a ring that he says he’s bought for you and that it will be ready ‘soon, he hopes,’  it means he looked at rings on the internet in between jerk-off sessions on pornhub.com and he found one he thinks you might like at Hot Topic.  He thought about buying it, but  he didn’t, he did remember to save the picture to send to you, so in case he forgets to give you a real Christmas gift he can propose online and not have to actually buy anything.

This is the kind of half-assed idea you come up with after drinking a 40oz. and smoking a couple bowls. At least you were in his thoughts Kat, but it may take a while for you to see that ring.

That’s okay though, because Kat will have time to finish the laser tattoo removal of Jesse James ugly childhood portrait that she has under her armpit (pictured above.) It’s probably good she’s doing that now.  Not only is it pretty awkward to stare at the face of a little boy while you’re trying to have sex with your gutter-slut fiancé, it’s even weirder if you remember that the boy in the portrait’s man juices are still marinating in the cavernous hole you’re currently trying to blow your load in.

Image: Twitter, Instagram

Edward Furlong Might Be On Drugs

Posted on by
Reply

Image

I don’t care what anyone says about Edward Furlong, Arachnoquake was awesome.  He was a total hero in that movie, and he saved the lives of the girl’s softball team on that bus!  

And he’s really been working on his personal life. You know, self improvement.  See how much weight he’s gained? Especially in his face. Lookin’ good Eddie!

  But Furlong’s ex-wife doesn’t seem to care about that.  She filed court papers saying he’s a drug addict and shouldn’t be around their six-year-old son; she also claims the child tested positive for cocaine after spending time with the actor.

  What’s wrong with a little father-son bonding over a line of coke? At least the guy’s trying! It beats a two-by-four with a nail in it, which is how my dad bonded with me.

Image: 

By Egon Eagle (Wikimedia Commons: File:Edward Furlong image.JPG) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

Anne Hathaway’s Vagina May Hurt Her Career

Posted on by
2

Image

I was always under the impression that the best way for a woman to get to the top in any industry was to flash some vadge.  But Anne Hathaway is some kind of Puritanical prude, because she’s afraid the pink taco exposé she did at the New York premiere of Le Mis has hurt her chances of bringing home a golden dildo shaped like a little man next year. If this turns out to be true I might have to rethink my entire career strategy. (Note to self: No vadge flashing until this is resolved.)

From Hollywoodlife:

“Anne is really hoping for an Oscar for Les Misérables, and she’s worried that this misstep will hurt her credibility as an actress.”

The source points out one reason Anne is so distraught over her commando catastrophe is because she is afraid it has cast a shadow over a project that is very special to her.

For starters, Anne is pretty lucky her vagina drew attention away from that outfit. As far as credibility goes, she just got all the credibility she needed; she proved she’s not a dude, which I was somewhat dubious about until now.

Image: Fashion photographer Anthony Citrano at http://www.zigzaglens.com/ derivative work: Bff (Anne_Hathaway_2008.jpg) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons