Tag Archives: Kim Kardashian Kanye West

For To Us A Child Is Born

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Since I’ll never be able to afford the actual picture, I’ve taken the liberty of using the photo ISIS has been distributing as proof of the birth of the Islamic Antichrist.  Close enough.

Behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to proclaim the birth of the holy progeny, the first born son of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West is delivered unto us . A savior born of obscene wealth and priviledge that we might forget the ills and troubles of the world, and our own shitty, disastified  existence in order to praise him and increase the bidding price for the first photo.

Merry Christmas!

Update: They named the baby Saint, so my assertions weren’t too far off, though if they had named it Christ I would have won $100.

 

 

 

Kim Kardashian Admits Kanye Has Escaped Her Gravitational Pull

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They say a child a greatest gift a woman can give to a man, and so you think when Kim Kardashian got pregnant with Kanye West’s child he would be a doting father, if for no other reason than the kid would be 50% him.

But surprisingly even Kanye West doesn’t want to be around something created by Kanye West if it involves being around Kim Kardashian too. From Radar Online:

Kanye apparently wants to live in France, with Kim not willing to leave her U.S.-based reality TV empire.

Now the extent of Kim and Kanye’s separation has been uncovered in legal proceedings.

“Kim was forced to admit during her deposition that she has spent more time away from Kanye than with him,” a source tells Radar exclusively. The revelation came in a deposition that’s part of her divorce from Kris Humphries.

And it comes as rumblings are growing that there is trouble in paradise between the couple.

 “She blamed their hectic schedules, but it was obvious that it pained her a great deal. Kim is pregnant with his baby, and Kanye is missing all of her prenatal doctor’s appointments, because he is halfway around the world in Paris.

Mind you that Kim has taken the trans-Atlantic flight to visit Kanye in Paris numerous times while Kanye hasn’t left Paris since February, because everyone knows how easy it is to fly for a pregnant woman whose ass requires its own seat. What I’m getting at here is that Kanye found the Holy Grail of Ass for black men and couldn’t help but think, “With my overwhelming sense of self-importance and her insatiable need for self-promotion we could make a Nobel Laureate.” And that’s how the next Hitler was conceived.

Kim Kardashian Admits Kanye Has Escaped Her Gravitational Pull

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Image

They say a child a greatest gift a woman can give to a man, and so you think when Kim Kardashian got pregnant with Kanye West’s child he would be a doting father, if for no other reason than the kid would be 50% him.

But surprisingly even Kanye West doesn’t want to be around something created by Kanye West if it involves being around Kim Kardashian too. From Radar Online:

Kanye apparently wants to live in France, with Kim not willing to leave her U.S.-based reality TV empire.

Now the extent of Kim and Kanye’s separation has been uncovered in legal proceedings.

“Kim was forced to admit during her deposition that she has spent more time away from Kanye than with him,” a source tells Radar exclusively. The revelation came in a deposition that’s part of her divorce from Kris Humphries.

And it comes as rumblings are growing that there is trouble in paradise between the couple.

 “She blamed their hectic schedules, but it was obvious that it pained her a great deal. Kim is pregnant with his baby, and Kanye is missing all of her prenatal doctor’s appointments, because he is halfway around the world in Paris.

Mind you that Kim has taken the trans-Atlantic flight to visit Kanye in Paris numerous times while Kanye hasn’t left Paris since February, because everyone knows how easy it is to fly for a pregnant woman whose ass requires its own seat. What I’m getting at here is that Kanye found the Holy Grail of Ass for black men and couldn’t help but think, “With my overwhelming sense of self-importance and her insatiable need for self-promotion we could make a Nobel Laureate.” And that’s how the next Hitler was conceived.

Kim Kardashian Has Compromised Kanye West’s Credibility

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Above: Kanye West looking stunned after being told his career was found in Kim Kardashian’s vadge.

Kim Kardashian’s vagina is like a black hole, a singularity with so much mass and density that it sucks in and crushes anything that comes too close to its gravitational pull, even light. And Kanye West’s career has passed the Event Horizon and is being sucked in like its caught in the Death Star’s tractor beam.  At least that’s what the New York Daily News is saying, without the cool science analogy. Read on:

 A Confidenti@l that West’s popularity is waning and he has become tainted, with too many appearances on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” pictures in the celebrity weeklies and a girlfriend unwelcome in the world of high fashion.

They said ‘taint.’

Once gracing the pages of VMAN and GQ, his face is now splattered all over whatever Kardashian is promoting.

“His personal life is overpowering his music,” an industry source says. “Every time he plays, people are wondering if Kim is going to be there. It’s not a good thing for him, especially if he wants to be taken seriously.”

In Kanye’s last public appearance he pranced around in one of Kim’s leather skirts. And no, that shit was not a ‘kilt,’ don’t even try to pull that one. I take chlamydia seriously; not Kanye.

In the beginning of their relationship, West tried to put his foot down when it came to appearing on the Kardashian family’s shows. “He made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be on her show, but Kim gets upset so he caves in,” adds the source.

So let this be a lesson to all of you out there: Being around Kim Kardashian will ultimately cause your life to unravel in a death spiral.  Ask her cat.