Spoiler Alert: Taylor Swift Is A Frigid Bitch


Above: Taylor Swift posted this tweet after her break-up with One Direction’s Harry Styles to show what a spiteful, childish troll she is.

RadarOnline is reporting that the real reason Harry Styles dumped Taylor Swift is because he got tired of her asexual ways. Even though Taylor has a tendency to walk around with her mouth hanging open, she’s not putting that thing to good use.  Instead she’s using it to talk. You’re never gonna get a man like that Tay Tay!

According to a close pal of Taylor’s, she’s as stiff and prudeish in bed as she is looks in every other situation. via Radar:

“Taylor is so concerned that the public will think she’s a whore because she dates around, that she doesn’t put out. What she doesn’t get is that the guys keep dumping her because she’s being a prude. Harry found Taylor a little sexually uninterested. While it was clear she obviously had a thing for Harry, Taylor didn’t want to put out as often as he would’ve liked. Harry is a young boy, with ladies throwing themselves at him and has had a string of relationships with older women.

It’s no secret he’s sexually active and is enjoying his fame at the moment. But Taylor just wasn’t up for it as much as he is. They were sexually incompatible. Having a clean and wholesome reputation is super important to Taylor. She puts herself in these stupid situations but then honestly can’t understand why she’s getting such a shabby reputation. Harry wants to go out to fancy bars and clubs and enjoy being young – but Taylor’s more of a homebody and all she would talk about was antiques! It drove him crazy, so he gave her the elbow!”

Let me set you straight Taylor, everyone already thinks you’re a whore because when you’re dating someone everyone assumes your having sex anyway, so you might as well put out. People, especially men, will like you more if you put out, especially on the first date.  Guys love that. It shows you’re spontaneous and fun. That’s how I got my husband.  After you’re married you can sit around in your sweatpants watching Antiques Roadshow and pretend you have headache, but you’ve got a lot of work to do until then.

Taylor Swift is Charitable, to Herself


Dosomething.org has named Taylor Swift their number one ‘Celeb Gone Good’ for 2012.  Oh gee, how great, that’s just wonderful, fills me up with Christmas cheer! Taylor you’re such a good, kind, generous person, this totally makes up for you being an annoying, spiteful imp.

Except for, oh wait! What’s this? You’re being recognized for your $4 million dollar donation to the  Country Music Hall of Fame Museum. The Country Music  Hall of Fame Museum!  That’s not a donation, it’s a bribe.  She’s not even trying to be  underhanded about it.  Are you in her pocket too, Dosomething.org?  Why else would you recognize someone for making a donation to their own posterity?  There’s probably a clause the money be used exclusively for the museum’s new Taylor Swift wing.   It’s like me giving money to Habitat for Humanity, but only if they use the money to build me a new house.


Image:By Paolo Villanueva  [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

The Daily Discharge

ImageRemember when I said that making fun of Lindsay Lohan these days is like barfing in a toilet that somebody’s already taken a dump in? Somebody flushed.  Page6

Brace yourself for the World’s largest camel toe. (SFW, barely) DailyMail

Miley Cyrus looks…Different. wwtdd

That little queer from One Direction was finally able to ditch Taylor Swift and have a good time. IDLYITW

Image:By Christopher Macsurak (Lindsay Lohan) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons


Taylor Swift May Have Already Found Her Next Boyfriend


Will prefer jail after first date

A 24-year-old man was arrested for trespassing at Taylor Swift’s Nashville home early Friday morning after taking a bus from Wisconsin to be with the singer

According to TMZ, Jacob Kulke was arrested at 1:45 AM after allegedly hopping a fence at the property. Kulke was detained by security and when police arrived, he told them he was Swift’s boyfriend.

According to reports, Kulke told police he had been in contact with someone at the home via social media and he came to town to celebrate Swift’s birthday (which was Thursday).

First of all, how are we to know this guy isn’t Swift’s boyfriend? Second, if he’s not currently her boyfriend, I’m willing to wager that he might be in the near future. Third, quit being such an uppity cunt Taylor.  This guy took a bus. From Wisconsin. Just to be with you on your stupid birthday, and you had him arrested.  I just wrote the first three lines of your next hit song. Fourth, the great thing about stalkers is they’ll likely never leave you, although with Taylor that’s still kind of iffy.

Image:By Marcin Wichary from San Francisco, U.S.A.  Uploaded by MyCanon (Taylor Swift) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Taylor Swift is Desperate, Still Dates High-School Students


Taylor Swift has pretty much dated every pair of numb-nuts in Hollywood, from Joe Jones to Zac Efron.  And they all seem to dump her in a few months, likely because she’s even more clingy and annoying in real life than in her interviews.

So as of late she’s moved to less-famous men and has been dating Conor Kennedy, whose still in high school.  Then they broke up, but now the Huffington Postsays they’re still secretly seeing each other, and the Kennedy family is terrified the couple might elope. Probably because they don’t want to eat her stale pumpkin cookies at their family reunions for the next 20 years.

I can’t help but think there’s a reason a wildly-successful, 22-year-old would be interested in a high school senior… Wait a minute…her latest album is ‘Red,’ she’s dating a Kennedy…OH MY GOD! Taylor Swift IS GOING TO RUN FOR The REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION IN 2016! Nooooooooooo!!!!! We cannot let this happen.*

*The Vadge does not endorse or advocate any form of violence against a celebrity, but if you wanna do it without my endorsement, that’s fine.

Image: By Keith HInkle (Taylor Swift, being interviewed) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons


Taylor Swift Had a Bad Night

The Country Music Awards were last night (I know, I don’t care either,) but to sum up everything, Taylor Swift got made fun of, didn’t win any awards, and we’ll all be paying for it when her next album gets released. OMG! reports:

 Co-hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley had a comedy bit focusing on the “Red” singer’s latest breakup — with high-schooler Conor Kennedy…

   Paisley brought up the 22-year-old’s highly-publicized summer romance with Kennedy, 18. “The greatest trade of the year had to be the Kennedy family. They somehow traded Arnold Schwarzenegger for Taylor Swift,” Paisley said. “I mean, what they got for that…”

Underwood quickly interrupted and pretended to whisper to Paisley to fill him in on Swift’s recent breakup. “What? Why don’t I ever hear about these things? I’m the last one to know,” he replied, 
“Are they ever gonna get back together?”

  “Never, never, never, never ever,” shot back Underwood.

The camera didn’t pan to Swift to get her reaction. Presumably because her eyes had rolled into the back of her head in a Carrie-like trance as she mumbled in Latin, willing the doors to slam shut and lock, and the building to catch on fire.

She got dumped by a guy in high school? Really? She must be looking for the kind of unconditional love that only a teen virgin or a puppy can provide.

Image:By Marcin Wichary from San Francisco, U.S.A.  Uploaded by MyCanon (Taylor Swift) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons