Nevermind the Bollocks
What would normally be a mundane story, becomes a media shit storm when it involves anything having to do with the British royal family. Two married people had sex, and now they’re going to have a baby. Married people having sex? Filthy fornicators!!! Not only that, it took them almost two years to do what every retard on Teen Mom has managed to do by accident.
Image:By Tom Soper Photography [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Lindsday Lohan’s not the kind of person to take punching another person in the face lying down, no way! You think you can just let Lindsay punch you in the face and get away with it? I don’t think so psychic-gypsy lady. Lindsay’s hired a private investigator to look into her accuser, Tiffany Mitchell’s past, and she’s convinced there’s a connection between Mitchell and her estranged father Michael Lohan because (gasp!) they both live in Florida!
Lindsay also thinks this woman purposely got in the way of her fist so that she could shake Lindsay down for cash, even though she’s broke and the IRS just seized her bank accounts.
I would say the person coming out on top of this will be the detective she hired, because his boss is a paranoid, delusional drug addict and he can bring her ‘clues’ like cigarette butts and gum wrappers, and Lindsay will get really excited about how they’re on to something say ‘great work,’ and write him a check for $25,000, which will bounce, and then she’ll have to pay him in blow-jobs.
Josh Wood, an undistinguished British actor who is better than you or I because he’s holding an Oscar statuette.
Celebrities are insecure egomaniacs who need constant reminders of their own self-importance. So aside from the Oscars, The Golden Globes, the Emmy’s, The Screen Actor’s Guild, The Tony’s, The Grammys, all of MTV’S pointless awards, not to mention all the countless film festival awards, and about a thousand others I failed to mention, there’s a new award show, begun in 2009, the Governor’s awards. The Governor’s Awards is an exclusive awards show for Academy members only (that’s why you didn’t get an invite, loser,) and they were held this weekend, giving celebrities another reason to dress up and remind themselves why they’re better than everyone else.
Image: By Own work (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
A Hot Meal and a Shower. Al Pacino was spotted attending ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ in New York City dressed in his best puffy Nike Jacket, silk scarf and orthopedic shoes. I looked it up and surprising ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ is a play, not a soup kitchen. (Image: Fame/Flynet)
Courtney Stodden’s mom is adamant her daughter will not do porn. Yeah, my mom said that too. radaronline
Kim Kardahsian‘s visit to Bahrain was met with outrage and civil unrest. “Her visit could help spread vice among our youth,” said one protestor. I would be a little more concerned about her spreading other things… radaronline
Brad Pitt’s latest movie is analogous to how it feels to actually watch it. Huffingtonpost
Slater from Saved By the Bell got married in Mexico, breaking thousands of teenaged hearts in 1990. People
The story behind Lindsay Lohan’s most recent arrest just keeps getting classier. Radaronline
I’ve never wanted to club something to death so badly in my life. Caution SFW, but deeply disturbing. Toofab
People who engage in semi-incestuous relationships also tend to make other poor life decisions as well. TMZ
Miley Cyrus had to cut up a few fools to get some street credz. Globalgrind
Hostess Raspberry Zingers: The reason your life sucks.
Ever look in the mirror and think “God, I look like shit,” and then wonder ‘How does Jessica Alba looks so good, that bitch has two kids?’ Well apparently it’s because she works out hard, eats right and has millions of dollars. So she can afford i-Lipo treatments at $300 a pop.
If you’re really interested in i-Lipo, you can read all about it here. But I have a feeling you’re just going to keep eating that Ho-Ho and move on to the next post. In summation, Jessica Alba is a skank, and tasty Hostess products can solve all your problems.
Image:By Evan-Amos (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
I believe that headline is grammatically correct, Alex (smartass.)
The muckrakers at GreenPeace are at it again, this time stirring the pot in their new 56-page-report that claims lingerie and clothing produced by Victoria’s Secret in Chinese sweatshops contain toxic chemicals.
Unless you’re some kind of mindless consumer that makes shopping decisions based on Giselle’s bouncing breasts (me, here!) you would know that Victoria’s Secret is nothing but overpriced crap, and what you’re really paying for is their enormous advertising budget which includes however much it costs to have Adrianna Lima trounce down the runway in a diamond bra, and Justin Bieber parade around singing in a castrato.
$30 for a pair of panties? That’s the yearly salary of the 8-year-old factory worker who sewed them! And then you can’t find a bra there that doesn’t have at least two cups worth of padding in it. Which seems like a great idea, until you have to take it off, suddenly a glass that was abundantly full becomes a swallow of backwash.
Image:By Randy Robertson from Newbury Park, California, USA (Think Green) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
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