Tag Archives: Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum Might Have Lost Her Faith in Humanity

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Heidi Klum is shocked, shocked you guys, that no one bothered to help her when her boob popped out of her bikini top as she rescued her son and nannies from being carried away by a riptide in Hawaii. The supermodel tells People, “The family was surprised that we were being photographed and no one would come help us.”

What Heidi’s saying is she’s a little disappointed a bunch of people sat around snapping pictures while a woman saved a child and another woman from drowning. Did I mention you could see her boob? You could see her boob.

Uncensored photos here.

Heidi Klum is the New Judge on AGT, Because Boobs

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Heidi Klum has just signed on to be the fourth judge on NBC’S America’s Got Talent, joining  Howie Mandel, Howard Stern and new-comer Mel B, AKA “Scary Spice.” So pretty much three people no one wants to hear on the radio let alone see on TV, and Heidi.

With ruthless German efficiency Heidi will remind the contestants that their talent doesn’t matter anyway because they’re not bronzed, physically flawless supermodels with huge jugs. Excuse me while I go run a hose from my car’s exhaust into the window.

Image:Fame/Flynet

Naked Victoria’s Secret Angels (not really, I just said that to get your attention.)

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Above: Heidi Klum and Adriana Lima

This one’s for the ladies

Mandatory.com has posted a list of some of the most famous Victoria’s Secret angels sans make-up, and there’s a lot of good and a lot of bad. Alessandria Ambrosio looks great either way, and Candice Swanepoel actually looks better without the make-up. Bar Rafaeli  looks good but she’s the most non-descript woman ever, I’m not sure Leonardo DiCaprio knew he was dating the same woman that whole time, he probably thought she was just one of the many random, tall, blonde women who show up to have sex with him, I’m sure that happens a lot. Finally, I’m sorry, but Miranda Kerr is just kind of fug no matter what you do with her.

Now on to the bad.  Heidi Klum looks like she works at Wal-Mart while Karolina Kurkova looks like she couldn’t even get a job at Wal-Mart. Adriana Lima looks like my Sicilian grandmother and Tyra Banks looks like the mug shot of a woman who just killed and ate her baby.

Image:By The Heart Truth (The Heart Truth Fashion Show 2008) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Victoria’s Secret’s Secret’s Out

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I believe that headline is grammatically correct, Alex (smartass.)

The muckrakers at GreenPeace are at it again, this time stirring the pot in their new 56-page-report  that claims lingerie and clothing produced by Victoria’s Secret in Chinese sweatshops contain toxic chemicals.

Unless you’re some kind of mindless consumer that makes shopping decisions based on Giselle’s bouncing breasts (me, here!) you would know that Victoria’s Secret is nothing but overpriced crap, and what you’re really paying for is their enormous advertising budget which includes however much it costs to have Adrianna Lima trounce down the runway in a diamond bra, and Justin Bieber parade around singing in a castrato.

$30 for a pair of panties?  That’s the yearly salary of the 8-year-old factory worker who sewed them! And then you can’t find a bra there that doesn’t have at least two cups worth of padding in it.  Which seems like a great idea, until you have to take it off, suddenly a glass that was abundantly full becomes a swallow of backwash.

Image:By Randy Robertson from Newbury Park, California, USA (Think Green) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons