Royal Baby Claims its First Victim

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Above: The media shit-storm surrounding the royal fetus has caused it to to grow power disproportionate to its size.

In what can only be a precedent of the blood-shed that is to come, Prince William and Kate Middleton’s unborn fetus has already claimed the life of its first victim.

The Daily Mail is reporting that the receptionist at King Edward VII hospital who put the now infamous prank phone-call through to Middleton’s room has been found dead, in what police are calling an apparent suicide.

So not only has this evil spawn put its own mother in the hospital, it’s now taking outside victims too. Don’t you people get it? It feeds on the power of the media, you’re only making it stronger! I don’t want to sound like a Doomsday profit, but by the time this baby is born it will have grown powerful enough to take over the world; creating a new order of power with England dominating as our Imperialistic overlords.

*All joking aside, this truly is a tragedy, and an indictment on us all that a hard-working, innocent mother lost her life because of our overwhelming obsession with royalty and wealth.

By Stephen Michalowicz [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

The Daily Discharge

BAR

Bar Rafaeli knows how to get Twitter followers. (Above)

Chirs Pine hung out with a guy named Benedict Cumberpatch, which is the coolest name for a porn actor since Dale DaBone. Just Jared

What does Courtney Stodden have to do with the King of Thailand’s 85th birthday? I’m still not sure. radaronline

The Olson twins are back to their old drug dealing ways. wwtdd

Brace yourselves for nine months of endless speculation, followed by eighteen years of obsession, likely followed by a descent into drug addiction, madness and an untimely death. thehollywoodgossip

Prince William Likes Having Sex With Kate Middleton

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Nevermind the Bollocks

What would normally be a mundane story, becomes a media shit storm when it involves anything having to do with the British royal family.  Two married people had sex, and now they’re going to have a baby. Married people having sex? Filthy fornicators!!! Not only that, it took them almost two years to do what every retard on Teen Mom has managed to do by accident.

Image:By Tom Soper Photography [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons