Author Archives: thevadge

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles Are No More

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512px-Taylor_Swift_4,_2011

That headline almost made it sound like they’re both dead; unfortunately that’s not the case, but the New York Daily News is reporting that the ‘couple in high school who everybody thought would be together forever’ have broken up after  two months, which is the most successful dating streak Taylor Swift has ever had.

This is good new for Harry, he’s 18, famous, and has so much poontang being thrown at him he’s practically drowning in it, despite looking like this.  Seriously? Is this what all those little girls are going ape shit about? He has the soft, pasty upper body of a priest’s personal choir boy, and I’m pretty sure that’s a third nipple there, and possibly a fourth! And why do his tattoos look like he let a 7th-grader go at him with a Sharpie? Doesn’t this kid have money?

I can’t believe I’m going on record saying this, but Taylor Swift could actually do way better than this guy. She may be an irksome baby with a sourpuss face, but at least she’s in shape, kind of.

Image:By Flickr: Eva Rinaldi Celebrity and Live Music Photographer’s photostream (Flickr: Styles) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0) or CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Charlie Sheen and Georgia Jones; A Love Story

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The endless line of porn stars and hookers willing to lip wrestle with Charlie Sheen never ceases to amaze me. Is there a national shortage of Valtrex and bitches are trying to get a residual dose? Why else would a woman with low self-esteem and daddy issues hook-up with a man so bacteria-ridden even Lindsay Lohan thought she was too good for him?

I don’t have answers to these questions, I was just trying to tell you that Charlie Sheen has found a new blown-out hole to put his crusty, flaccid peen in.  Her name is Georgia Jones (pictured above) star of adult film classics such as Teen Alien Sex Dreams and Babes in Body Wraps. And if she hasn’t already proved there’s nothing she won’t do to make a buck and shame her parents, she’s sure to do it now after being photographed making out with Charlie Sheen on New Year’s.  Say ‘hi,’ mom and dad!

Image:By J Chang from USA (AEE2009_Jan11_Nikon 770  Uploaded by gohe007) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Justin Do-Gooder is Trying to Make Me Hate Him Less

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For all the shit I talk about Justin Beaver-Bumper, I have to be fair when he does something  newsworthy that doesn’t involve him being an insolent weiner. Like when he visited 7-year-old cancer patient, Millie Flamm, at a Salt Lake City hospital Saturday night before his concert.  I will also point out that Justin regularly visits children at hospitals and although he doesn’t promote it, the pictures usually get out.  Damn PMS.  I have to go now, there’s something in my eye…

Weekend Discharge

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John Brolin doing what Josh Brolin does best. Dlisted

As if we haven’t seen enough of Kim Kardahsian’s ass. The Superficial

Masturbation porn just doesn’t pay what it used to, SFW. NYDN

Blaming the black kid for Justin Bieber’s fall from grace is a little racist, and convenient. TMZ

Falling out of Beyonce’s vadge is incredibly lucrative. Huff Post

Skeletor is back on the market. Celebuzz

Brangelina Has LAPD on Speed Dial

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One time I had to call the police because my house got broken into and it took them three hours to show up. Three hours!  It gave me just enough time to hide the bong and Febreze the shit out of the place. But if you’re Brangelina and have enough kids to form a United Nations’ council for overexposed children you’ve got the cops on speed dial and they’re fuckin’ prompt.

On Friday night someone accidentally hit the panic button at the Jolie-Pitt home, (my guess is Vivienne, you can just tell that ugly little crumb-gobbler is up to no good,) and LAPD responded like it was a black man inconspicuously walking down the street, swarming the place with squad cars and a helicopter.

Those two must have made a hell of a donation to the police foundation. Note: if you dial 911 and hang up, you’ll get a call back asking if you’re okay, If you’re Brangelina and you press a button, you’ll get a helicopter. Now that’s fucking service.

Image: Georges Biard [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Justin Bieber – Blaze of Glory

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ImageThe photographer killed last week trying to photograph Canada’s version of Rick Astley (gotcha!) swore up and down that he saw Justin Bieber smoking weed in his car.  The Beaver’s reps denied this was true, but TMZ posted photos today of Justin bogarting a blunt at a hotel room in Newport Beach; so at least that paparazzo didn’t die in vain.

I don’t have rights to the photo so I can’t post it, but he’s holding that thing like it’s a Virginia Slim! Puff n’ pass Justin. Puff n’ pass! That shit’ll get you killed in some circles.

Image:Adam Sundana [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Pamela Anderson Will do Anything For a Buck… Anything

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ImageWe don’t hear a whole lot about Pamela Anderson these days, mostly because it’s not 1994, and we have younger, hotter messes to worry about.  But there’s another reason too.  Pam’s been hanging out across the pond, that’s teabag speak for the Atlantic Ocean, where she’s been doing club openings and theater in the UK, as well as Dancing on Ice; the British version of Dancing With the Stars, but with ice skates, and on ice.

Why? Because bitch is broke, that’s why. According  to the Mirror, Pam owes so much in back taxes and renovation costs on her home she’s been doing club appearances for £15,000. I don’t how much money that is in dollars; I write a shitty blog, I’m not an accountant.

And even though the venues aren’t as glamorous as say, Tommy Lee’s opium den, Pam is still bringing the diva attitude. From the Mirror:

“She doesn’t like photos unless they’re taken with a ring flash – a flattering photographic device to soften the subject’s features and create a halo effect.

In fact, such is her hatred of the humble mobile phone photo that her people instruct club owners to try to ban people from wielding them near her.

A HARD task, you’d imagine, when faced with hundreds of boozed-up revellers clamouring for her ­attention in a confined space.

‘Pamela is very clear what she does and doesn’t want. Her image is very important to her and unflattering photos with wrong cameras are a big no-no,’ says a friend.”

Christ Pam, those people are drunk, not blind. The only thing that could be done to make you look better in a picture is to leave the lens cap on.

Image:By Boeing978 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons