Last week Charlie Sheen and two friends flew his private jet to Scotland for a 24-hour spur of the moment expedition to find the Loch Ness Monster, because if Charlie can magically make a hooker and an ounce of coke disappear in an hour, surely, he can make a non-existent creature of folk-lore that’s only been seen once reappear.

“Present yourself to me elusive creature of the murky deep so that I might put my wiener in one of your magical holes.”

From TMZ:

Charlie Sheen fueled up his private jet for a 24-hour mission to accomplish what no one else has been able to for the last 80 years … find the Loch Ness Monster.

Charlie flew to Scotland last week — and sources close to the Warlock tell us it was literally a last minute call … like most of his decisions.
We’re told Sheen brought along his two pals — ex-baseball star Todd Zeile and longtime stand-in Brian Pekk … we’re told Charlie and co. rented a boat and headed out to search for Nessie — armed only with a bottle of scotch.

While I have no doubts that Charlie got drunk on a boat with two other men, kind of like an adult version of “Three Men in a Tub” that ends in a circle jerk, this is obviously a cover-story for their real mission: Picking up a black-market shipment of tiger penis from China. A man’s gotta get his fix.

Image:By Joella Marano (Charlie Sheen) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons