Justin Bieber is Still Sharing his DNA

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

Justin Bieber continues to prove to the world what an urbane and sophisticated young man he is by once again, spitting in another man’s, then presumably running behind his bodyguard sticking and his head out with his thumbs in his ears and going, “neener, neener you can’t get me.”

From TMZ:

The man — a DJ who performed at the Social Room on Park Street in Columbus, OH earlier that evening — called in to the Dave and Jimmy show on WNCI and explained the saga … saying it all started in the VIP room.

“Two of Bieber’s bouncers approached me and said I was trying to take pictures of Bieber.”

The man thinks JB was concerned because it was a 21+ night in the club … and Justin’s only 19.

The DJ says Bieber’s people grabbed his phone and started going through it looking for pics — but didn’t find any. Still, the man claims, the bouncers told JB the DJ was trying to take pics.

According to the DJ, Justin approached him moments later … and spouted off a couple of “choice words.”

“He called my mom something, called my dad something, called me something … and spit in my face.”

Okay, spitting on another person is the kind of thing that could and should get you killed. It’s the kind of thing ghetto transvestites do and it’s complete pussy shit which makes me believe that this story is true. So since George Zimmerman is a free man why don’t we send Justin to Florida, have him innocuously walk down the street and let Zimmerman work his magic. He can call it an act of redemption, only in America folks.


Justin Bieber Might Be Charged With Battery, Will Still Get Off Scot-Free

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

A while back, Justin Bieber spit in his neighbor’s face and threatened to kill him because he’s an entitled little twit. Nobody expected anything to come of it because he’s a celebrity in LA, and they can pretty much roam the streets using civilians for target practice and get away with it. But according to TMZ, this time will be different, this time there will be consequences for a celebrity’s reckless behavior! But not really.

The L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept. investigated the case and sent the file to the D.A. Tuesday.  Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, Sheriff’s investigators are urging prosecutors to charge the singer with battery.  We’re told cops don’t think Bieber should go to jail, but he needs serious counseling because of his repeated and escalating bad behavior.
Law enforcement sources tell us Sheriff’s investigators are worried that Bieber is either going to “get his ass kicked” or “someone’s gonna get a $2 million payday” unless the singer changes his tune.

So the L.A. County Sheriff is ‘worried’ someone might finally kick the shit out of Justin like he totally deserves, or hold him financially responsible for his reckless behavior? Shouldn’t they be worried about more important things, like oh say, terrorists detonating a nuke or the next mass shooting at a mall where the Kardashians are introducing a new line of clothing/perfume/douches? (Not that I’ve considered it.) In fact, I think Justin Bieber getting his ass kicked might be at the top of the list of ‘Things People Would Pay Good Money to See,’ right behind Farrah Abraham doing anal apparently.


Dear Diary, Today I Kicked Justin Bieber in the Nuts

Anne Frank.jpg

I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was around 10 years old, and even though that was many years and many bong loads ago, I can nonetheless assure you that there was not one mention of Justin Bieber anywhere in that book, I  remember Ol’Yeller gets rabies and has to be shot, but definitely no Bieber.

But that didn’t stop Justin Bieber from presuming that if Anne Frank were alive today she would be one of his screaming, obnoxious fans willing to send death threats to anyone who dare speak ill of him on Twitter. Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam over the weekend and according the museum’s Facebook page:

 He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In our guestbook he wrote: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.”

I will overlook the fact that he marginalized the incredible story and tragic end of a brave young woman by using her as a self-serving opportunity to promote himself. But ‘Anne was a great girl,’ is the phrase you use to describe the date that gave you a blowjob in the back of your 91’ Honda Civic after taking them to In-N-Out and never calling them again. Fuck you, Justin! I thought you really liked me!

Justin Bieber Shares His DNA With a Fan*

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

*By ‘fan’ I mean irate neighbor, same thing.

If you ask anybody that knows me, they’ll tell you I drive like old people fuck: Disappointingly slow while listening to public radio. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who think speeding on public streets is a legitimate hobby. If you’re going to do something illegal for you kicks, get into drugs, you’ll have way more fun, and probably have an occasion or two when you think you really are driving a car but you’re actually just sitting on the couch. Plus, drugs never hurt anybody.

What I’m getting at here is that Justin Bieber had a knew Ferrari delivered to his gated Calabasas home, and felt the need to race the thing through residential streets at 100mph. Watch out for cats!

According to TMZ:

The man — a 47-year-old successful businessman and father of 3 — went onto Justin’s Calabasas property and screamed, “You can’t drive like this!”  The man told deputies, Justin responded by saying , “Get the f**k out of here,” and then he spit in the guy’s face and said, “I’m gonna f**king kill you.” The man filed a battery report and we’re told he wants Bieber prosecuted and will not back down.

The only way a 5’2 noodle-armed wiener could pull a move like that without having his face ripped off is he was surrounded by his hulking bodyguards, which he was. But, apparently, the DA takes charges of spitting very seriously and is investigating.

So remember, it’s acceptable to drive coked-up and drunk through the streest of LA county, with a trunk full of stolen jewelry and hit a few non-famous people along the way, but you goddam well better not spit on anybody!


Justin Bieber Cancels Concert, Proves We’re All Fucking Stupid

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

I can’t think of a more telling sign that America is losing its dominance in the world than the fact that the Portugese have managed to run Justin Bieber out of their country while we continue to let him run wild though our streets with no shirt on and his pants down.

According to TMZ, Le Beaver has canceled his upcoming concert in Portugal due to low ticket sales while all his North American tour shows were completely sold out, which seems to indicate that a country whose only notable contribution to the world was maybe helping ‘discover’ a continent already inhabited by several million people has surpassed us in both intelligence and self-respect.

Justin Bieber Collapses at Concert

Probably because he was up waayyy past his bedtime and had taken a few too many swigs of Dimetol, Justin Bieber collapsed during a performance in London last night. Much to the relief of the thousands of tweens who came to see him and the chagrin of their pissed off parents who had to chaperone, Justin returned to the stage to finish the show.

“Come on Emma looks like Justin might be dead, maybe we can get home in time for Duck Dyna…Son of a bitch, he’s back!”

After the show Justin was taken to a hospital where he tweeted the above picture to prove that he’s still perfectly capable of posing like a queer with his shirt off.

Justin Bieber – Blaze of Glory

ImageThe photographer killed last week trying to photograph Canada’s version of Rick Astley (gotcha!) swore up and down that he saw Justin Bieber smoking weed in his car.  The Beaver’s reps denied this was true, but TMZ posted photos today of Justin bogarting a blunt at a hotel room in Newport Beach; so at least that paparazzo didn’t die in vain.

I don’t have rights to the photo so I can’t post it, but he’s holding that thing like it’s a Virginia Slim! Puff n’ pass Justin. Puff n’ pass! That shit’ll get you killed in some circles.

Image:Adam Sundana [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons