Brangelina Has LAPD on Speed Dial


One time I had to call the police because my house got broken into and it took them three hours to show up. Three hours!  It gave me just enough time to hide the bong and Febreze the shit out of the place. But if you’re Brangelina and have enough kids to form a United Nations’ council for overexposed children you’ve got the cops on speed dial and they’re fuckin’ prompt.

On Friday night someone accidentally hit the panic button at the Jolie-Pitt home, (my guess is Vivienne, you can just tell that ugly little crumb-gobbler is up to no good,) and LAPD responded like it was a black man inconspicuously walking down the street, swarming the place with squad cars and a helicopter.

Those two must have made a hell of a donation to the police foundation. Note: if you dial 911 and hang up, you’ll get a call back asking if you’re okay, If you’re Brangelina and you press a button, you’ll get a helicopter. Now that’s fucking service.

Image: Georges Biard [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

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