Tag Archives: celeb gossip

Kim Kardashian Needs Help Getting Dressed

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Because there’s no such thing as a person you can pay to help ‘style’ you, (Note to self: this is a GREAT idea, you could call it a ‘stylist.’) Kim Kardashian has taken to her mommy blog to seek advice from the people who are actually stupid enough to hang on every word she says.

Kim writes:

“For me, I’ve found that I’ve gained inches and I’ve gotten wider but my belly hasn’t popped yet, so I struggle finding things that don’t make me look heavy… Does anyone know any good dressing tips for pregnancy?”

Let’s see, some good dressing tips. Oh! How about one of those nice gowns they give you at Planned Parenthood? That would look great!

Heidi Klum is the New Judge on AGT, Because Boobs

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Heidi Klum has just signed on to be the fourth judge on NBC’S America’s Got Talent, joining  Howie Mandel, Howard Stern and new-comer Mel B, AKA “Scary Spice.” So pretty much three people no one wants to hear on the radio let alone see on TV, and Heidi.

With ruthless German efficiency Heidi will remind the contestants that their talent doesn’t matter anyway because they’re not bronzed, physically flawless supermodels with huge jugs. Excuse me while I go run a hose from my car’s exhaust into the window.

Image:Fame/Flynet

Meet Taylor Swift’s Latest Bridge Partner

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File:Ed Sheeran 2013.jpg

E! News is reporting that Taylor Swift spent the night before the 2013  Brit Awards with this guy, British singer/songwriter, Ed Sheeran. Taylor’s hoping if she dates someone just ugly enough, he’ll realize how lucky he is to be in an asexual relationship with impish, scrunch-faced baby and eventually propose. So she went to Shire, picked up this unfortunate-looking fellow, and promptly brought him to her hotel room for a rousing evening of canasta.

A witness tells E! News that the night before the 2013 Brit Awards (where Taylor performed in a wedding dress and then stripped down to a skintight black ensemble) Ed arrived at Taylor’s hotel and went straight to her room. From there, the twosome “stayed in the room, just the two of them, until around 4 a.m.,” according to a source.

When Ed left the hotel, he got into the car that Taylor had used earlier in the day and was driven away.

Another source tells E! News that Taylor and Ed “briefly dated last spring. He thinks she is really cute and they have a great chemistry together.” 

If it were any other couple staying in a hotel room together until four in the morning, I’d say they were snorting lines off each other’s taints and fucking like monkeys. But this is Taylor Swift and a ugly ginger, so she probably did what I do when I like a guy’s personality but can’t stand the way he looks-let him dry hump me while I pretend to sleep.

J-Law Fell at the Academy Awards, But it’s Okay

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The only thing that could have made me feel better after watching Anne Hathaway get her stupid Oscar that she’s been bitching about for months would have been if she tripped and fell off the stage, impaling herself on the coveted statue. Now that’s irony!

Instead Jennifer Lawrence tripped while accepting her award for Best Actress, but it was okay because if anyone could pull off falling at the Academy Awards it’s Jennifer Lawrence, she’s just that charming.

Kimye’s Baby Will Wear Skirts, Doesn’t Necessarily Mean It’s a Girl

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A ‘source’ that totally isn’t Kim Kardashian tells US Weekly that Kim Kardashian is expecting a baby girl this July, because Kim  suddenly has reservations about whoring out the unborn. Instead,  Kris ‘Rumplestiltskin’ Jenner revealed the baby’s sex and once she cashes the check she got for the story she’ll give Kim her cut.

Image:Fame/Flynet

Megan Fox & Michael Bay Reunite to Create a Half Shell of a Movie

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A few years ago Megan Fox compared director Michael Bay to Hitler and called him a “nightmare to work for,” after he gave her a big acting break in the Transformers. Michael Bay also famously made Megan audition for that movie by washing his car in a bikini. Then Megan had a baby and said she didn’t want to show off her body anymore, and everyone thought that was the end of her acting career. Aaannndd it didn’t take long for those highfalutin notions of modesty to get scraped.

Bay announced on his website last night that Megan has joined the cast of his upcoming art-house film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Megan will take on the challenging and emotionally tolling role of April O’Neil, the human friend of the sewer-dwelling reptiles. Because a film of this caliber is usually about the cinematography and the direction, I’m sure Megan won’t be showing much skin.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Sources say Fox and Bay reconciled over a series of recent meetings and that one tete-a-tete that won her over was with director Jonathan Liebesman, who wowed her with the storyboards, according to insiders.

I love the idea that Megan Fox was ‘wowed’ by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles storyboard. This bitch believes in goblins and leprechauns, so I don’t think they’re exaggerating, she probably really was blown away when she saw it. She probably thinks there are actual mutated turtles highly trained in the martial arts by a rat sensei living in the sewers of New York, and that’s why it will be the city God smites first when the rapture comes.

Image:By Luke Ford [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Mischa Barton Paid Someone to Keep Her Sober, Still Couldn’t Keep Her From Looking Like This

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Mischa Barton Shopping In Los Angeles

Mischa Barton on Marie Claire magazine cover September 2008

Back in 2009 when Mischa Barton was still holding on to the last small crumb of her relevancy, she hired a team of nurses at the cost of $90k to keep her sober, but never paid them. Which I wouldn’t have either, because it didn’t work. The nurse’s job was to keep Mischa away from an ‘unspecified substance’ before an ‘important acting gig,’ most likely the CW’s  “The Beautiful Life,” which ran for five episodes before that shit got canned. So when they say ‘important acting job’ what I think they meant was ‘the death throes of her career.’ From TMZ:

Mischa was ordered to pay Doctors’ Choice Nursing $95,000 back in 2011 for unspecified services rendered in 2009. Mischa failed to show up to court after the suit was filed, which is why a default judgment was entered against her.

The nature of the services has been a mystery for years … until this week in court, when the owner of DCN explained that the nurses were hired to keep Mischa sober. The owner did not specify which substance Mischa was allegedly abusing.

Mischa’s lawyer was in court Thursday fighting the default judgment — and grilled the owner of DCN about why she hadn’t notified Mischa of the mounting bill if the actress was the one responsible for paying it.

The owner replied that she didn’t want the stress of the mounting bill to exacerbate Mischa’s sobriety problems. The owner said it was the nurses’ job to keep Mischa sober before an important acting gig in fall 2009 … the same year she starred in the CW show, “The Beautiful Life.”

Mischa’s lawyer contends it was the actress’ mother who hired the nurses and therefore ran up the bills — so Mischa shouldn’t have to pay. The judge has yet to rule.

I have a hard time believing it cost that much money to make sure a person stays sober. How much can a sturdy chair and some rope cost?