Meet Taylor Swift’s Latest Bridge Partner

File:Ed Sheeran 2013.jpg

E! News is reporting that Taylor Swift spent the night before the 2013  Brit Awards with this guy, British singer/songwriter, Ed Sheeran. Taylor’s hoping if she dates someone just ugly enough, he’ll realize how lucky he is to be in an asexual relationship with impish, scrunch-faced baby and eventually propose. So she went to Shire, picked up this unfortunate-looking fellow, and promptly brought him to her hotel room for a rousing evening of canasta.

A witness tells E! News that the night before the 2013 Brit Awards (where Taylor performed in a wedding dress and then stripped down to a skintight black ensemble) Ed arrived at Taylor’s hotel and went straight to her room. From there, the twosome “stayed in the room, just the two of them, until around 4 a.m.,” according to a source.

When Ed left the hotel, he got into the car that Taylor had used earlier in the day and was driven away.

Another source tells E! News that Taylor and Ed “briefly dated last spring. He thinks she is really cute and they have a great chemistry together.” 

If it were any other couple staying in a hotel room together until four in the morning, I’d say they were snorting lines off each other’s taints and fucking like monkeys. But this is Taylor Swift and a ugly ginger, so she probably did what I do when I like a guy’s personality but can’t stand the way he looks-let him dry hump me while I pretend to sleep.

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