Kim Kardashian Might be More Relaxed if Someone Punched Her

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Kim Kardashian posted this picture of herself on Facebook on Sunday with the caption, “Oh, just relaxin,” because in case you guys didn’t know, that’s how we women relax. By wearing eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, lipliner, lipstick, concealer, foundation, blush, bronzer and putting needles in our face.

So when I’m out and about with no makeup, greasy hair and sweatpants, looking like I woke up in a truck stop bathroom, that’s actually my Corporate Power-Bitch look. That same getup could also be referred to as Britney Spears’ Day-to-Night look, either one.

Kim Kardashian Needs Help Getting Dressed

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Because there’s no such thing as a person you can pay to help ‘style’ you, (Note to self: this is a GREAT idea, you could call it a ‘stylist.’) Kim Kardashian has taken to her mommy blog to seek advice from the people who are actually stupid enough to hang on every word she says.

Kim writes:

“For me, I’ve found that I’ve gained inches and I’ve gotten wider but my belly hasn’t popped yet, so I struggle finding things that don’t make me look heavy… Does anyone know any good dressing tips for pregnancy?”

Let’s see, some good dressing tips. Oh! How about one of those nice gowns they give you at Planned Parenthood? That would look great!

Kim Kardashian Is Already Giving Up

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It’s looking like the last two trimesters of Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy are not going to be easy. First, she can’t get Botox anymore, so I’m guessing her face is probably going to fall off, and second she’s  faced with the herculean task of finding pieces of cloth big enough to cover her all-encompassing ass as the child from The Omen continues to grow inside her putrid womb.

Even though she still has another six months to go, Kim’s pretty much given up trying to be fashionable and has decided to go for comfort instead. She was photographed Saturday (above) wearing Kanye’s clothes and looking a disheveled wreck, then she was spotted wearing this dumpy mess, and then this monstrosity on Live With Kelly and Michael.

No one wants to see the side boob of a pregnant woman, Kim. And you’re never going to score those maternity endorsements looking like you pulled a Scarlett O’Hara and turned your curtains into a dress. Get it together, one pair of Khloe’s underwear should yield enough cloth for a nice frumpy-looking skirt, just be sure to cut out the crotch.

Image:Fame/Flynet