John Travolta Loses Bid to Keep Assault Lawsuit Confidential

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John Travolta lost his bid to keep an sexual assault case against him out of court and in arbitration with the cruise line where the alleged assault took place.

In 2009, Fabian Zanzia, a Royal Caribbean Cruise employee, claims Travolta requested Zanzi deliver food to his stateroom where Travolta requested a neck massage then dropped his robe, exposing his boner and attempted to embrace Zanzi.

Travolta allegedly then told Zanzi he was “beautiful” and said, “Take me, I will take care of you, please.”
Zanzi says he resisted, and then Travolta offered him $12k to keep quiet.

I’m guessing Zanzi then ran from the room screaming and spent the next 24 hours hunched in the shower trying to scrub off the shame. While John stood there asking “Can’t a guy tried to rub his junk against another guy, without it being gay? Cuz it’s not. It’s not gay.” Before adding, “You just walked out on the best thing that ever happened to you, baby.”

Travolta’s lawyer argued Friday that the ticket for the 2009 Royal Caribbean cruise liner included an agreement to settle all disputes between a passenger and the company through arbitration, but the judge disagreed, and cleared the case for trial.

I really doubt John or Scientology would ever let this shit air out in court. They’re going to settle this faster than it took John to impregnate Kelly Preston.

Bar Rafaeli Makes People Famous With Her Mouth

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Only in America do we make trampling a store worker to death the day after Thanksgiving, and watching commercials a national pass time. And on Sunday we celebrated the latter of those traditions cramming two hours of commercials into an hour and a half of football broken up by a half hour of Beyonce shaking her badonkadonk. God bless this country.

The most important break-out star of the Superbowl, aside from the football people, is the weasely little dweeb who made out with Bar Rafaeli in the Go Daddy commercial, Jesse  Heiman, who told TMZ:

“I’ve actually had guys tweet me that they wish they were me, and girls tweet me saying they wish they were Bar.”

But the interest from the ladies isn’t just from the cyber variety — Jesse explains, “I have girls run up to me and take pictures with me, tweet me for dates.”

Jesse tells us his career has also exploded … saying, “There are lots of inquiries coming in to my agent and manager, their phone has been ringing off the hook, but they are really letting me enjoy the moment right now.”

So making out with a supermodel will get launch your career and get you some Twitter dates. Congratulations Jesse, as long as Hollywood needs someone to play the ‘fat, unnatractive person’ you’ll always have a job.

 

 

 

 

Kim K. Wants to be Beyonce’s Friend

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Beyonce and Jay-Z are very private people, so it’s been speculated that even though they’re good friends with Kanye West, they don’t care too much for Kim Kardashian, because she would  televise her colonoscopy if she thought it would bring good ratings.

So you know Kim’s doing her best to not come off as the walking endorsment deal that she is and kiss Beyonce’s ass at the same time. Back in June, Kim gave Beyonce’s baby, Blue Ivy, a $5,000 diamond bracelet engraved “Love, Auntie Kim,” to which Beyonce said, “Throw it in the pile with the others.” And yesterday Kim tweeted this during the Superbowl half-time show:

“I heard there was this little football game at the Beyonce concert today…. Is that true? #BeyonceBowl,” and “OMG Beyonce killed it!!! And when Destiny’s Child came out…that made my life! #Bootylicious.

Kim was probably choking down black bile as she wrote that and sent it out into the Twitterverse, especially the “bootylicious” part. I bet Kris was standing over her shoulder hissing, “Do it, do it, they have good connections.”

If Kim manages to crawl her way any further up Beyonce’s ass she’s going to turn into a polyp. And I believe that’s two references to colon health in one post.

Lindsay Lohan Forgot She Owes A Lot of Money

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ImageIt’s a well-documented fact that women are terrible with money. That’s why we always lose at Monopoly and why my numerous attempts to gain financial independence through cats have failed; those damn things just aren’t profitable no matter how you work the numbers!

So it should come as no surprise that Lindsay Lohan had no idea she owes a couple hundred thousand dollars to her former attorney, Shawn Holley. Not only is Lindsay a woman, she’s fucking stupid too! From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is telling friends she was clueless until a few days ago that she owed Shawn Holley a small fortune in attorney’s fees, but we’re told now that she knows she’s putting Shawn at the top of her creditor’s list.It’s hard to swallow … that Lindsay didn’t know how much she owed Shawn. We’ve been reporting for weeks it’s in the 6 figures. Sources quite familiar with the situation tell TMZ, Lindsay owes Shawn $150,000.It’s interesting … although Lindsay fired Shawn … our sources tell us she’s been making a full-court press for more than a week to get her back, but Shawn isn’t having it.

We’re told Lindsay has instructed her business manager to pay the tab ASAP. Lindsay is making money from appearances, endorsements and some acting gigs, but she’s been spending like an insane woman — first class plane tickets, expensive hotels, restaurants, clothes, etc. Lindsay says she’ll cut back so Shawn gets paid.

So Lindsay forgetting to pay Shawn was just an oversight. LOL, Lindsay’s so crazy like that.  I bet her and Shawn are gonna have a good belly-laugh over that one. Especially when Lindsay tells her she spent all the money on cocaine and lip injections.

Shawn will just roll her eyes and say “Girl please, one time I dropped 50k on a weave and some nail polish.”

Image: Fame/Flynet

Former Porn Star Kacey Jordan Files For Bankruptcy

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Turns out taking a load to the face isn’t as lucrative as I thought it was because former porn star Kacey Jordan, one of Charlie Sheen’s infamous prostitutes, has filed for bankruptcy. Looks like I’m going to have to rethink my retirement plan. From TMZ:

A hooker just can’t get a break these days … Kacey Jordan, Charlie Sheen’s former porn star, warlock lover and all things sex-for-money, has gone belly up — filing for bankruptcy.

Kacey — one of Charlie’s favorite XXX girls who also partied with him the night of his infamous cocaine binge — claims she has a measly $290 in assets, but owes $6,000.Why so broke?

You’ll recall, Kacey has vowed to get out of the prostitution game — to find a real job — but according to docs, the recession hit this hooker hard, because she’s been unemployed since 2010.

Kacey’s income — a grand total of $300 a month — is courtesy of her boyfriend.

$290???!!! That’s all her assets? Does she live in an empty room with a bottle of peroxide, some bronzer and a tube of lip gloss? I guarantee you I have at least $290 worth of tampons and nail polish laying around my bathroom.

Image:By Toglenn (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)

Weekend Discharge

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Ashton Kutcher tweeted the above photo of himself with Steve Jobs to show the striking resemblance between the two. If only he could emulate Jobs in other ways, like cancer.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are not only about as worthless as used panty liners, they’re gullible spendthrifts too. IDLYITW 

Katy Perry is so boring the only way she can get a man is with gigantic tits. It seems to be working. The Superficial

Justin Bieber is all grown up and drinks cough syrup now. D Listed 

Gratuitous pictures of Bar Rafaeli doing housework. ICYDK

 

Amanda Bynes is a Public Nuisance

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Former Nickelodeon star Amanda Bynes is continuing to hone her skills as a professional fuck-off, starting off the year getting kicked out of her NYC apartment for being a ‘nuisance,’ which I believe is the same word used to describe rats and cockroaches. From TMZ:

Amanda Bynes is currently packing up her NYC apartment … and moving somewhere else … after her landlord threatened to evict the actress claiming she’s a disrespectful rule-breaker … TMZ has learned.

Sources at the apartment tell us … Bynes got a letter from building management earlier this month explaining that her lease would be terminated … because she’s a building nuisance.

We’re told management made the decision after getting several complaints of marijuana smoke coming from her apartment — “morning, noon and night.” Sources say she was also seen smoking weed in the hallways. FYI — it’s a non-smoking building.

As TMZ previously reported, Bynes is a fan of the herb — she was photographed smoking weed around Los Angeles last year.

Sources say Amanda wasn’t going to wait around and challenge management’s decision — and instead decided to simply find somewhere else to live.

“Pffttt, what a fuckin’ noob,” said Lindsay Lohan as she bent over to snort a line of crystallized rhinoceros horn off the erect penis of  the Taiwanese business man paying for her company. “She could have stayed there rent free for at least a few months before they were finally able to evict her.”

Image:By The Heart Truth (Amanda Bynes on the Red Carpet) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons