A ‘source’ that totally isn’t Kim Kardashian tells US Weekly that Kim Kardashian is expecting a baby girl this July, because Kim suddenly has reservations about whoring out the unborn. Instead, Kris ‘Rumplestiltskin’ Jenner revealed the baby’s sex and once she cashes the check she got for the story she’ll give Kim her cut.
Image:Fame/Flynet
A few years ago Megan Fox compared director Michael Bay to Hitler and called him a “nightmare to work for,” after he gave her a big acting break in the Transformers. Michael Bay also famously made Megan audition for that movie by washing his car in a bikini. Then Megan had a baby and said she didn’t want to show off her body anymore, and everyone thought that was the end of her acting career. Aaannndd it didn’t take long for those highfalutin notions of modesty to get scraped.
Bay announced on his website last night that Megan has joined the cast of his upcoming art-house film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Megan will take on the challenging and emotionally tolling role of April O’Neil, the human friend of the sewer-dwelling reptiles. Because a film of this caliber is usually about the cinematography and the direction, I’m sure Megan won’t be showing much skin.
Sources say Fox and Bay reconciled over a series of recent meetings and that one tete-a-tete that won her over was with director Jonathan Liebesman, who wowed her with the storyboards, according to insiders.
I love the idea that Megan Fox was ‘wowed’ by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles storyboard. This bitch believes in goblins and leprechauns, so I don’t think they’re exaggerating, she probably really was blown away when she saw it. She probably thinks there are actual mutated turtles highly trained in the martial arts by a rat sensei living in the sewers of New York, and that’s why it will be the city God smites first when the rapture comes.
Image:By Luke Ford [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Back in 2009 when Mischa Barton was still holding on to the last small crumb of her relevancy, she hired a team of nurses at the cost of $90k to keep her sober, but never paid them. Which I wouldn’t have either, because it didn’t work. The nurse’s job was to keep Mischa away from an ‘unspecified substance’ before an ‘important acting gig,’ most likely the CW’s “The Beautiful Life,” which ran for five episodes before that shit got canned. So when they say ‘important acting job’ what I think they meant was ‘the death throes of her career.’ From TMZ:
Mischa was ordered to pay Doctors’ Choice Nursing $95,000 back in 2011 for unspecified services rendered in 2009. Mischa failed to show up to court after the suit was filed, which is why a default judgment was entered against her.
The nature of the services has been a mystery for years … until this week in court, when the owner of DCN explained that the nurses were hired to keep Mischa sober. The owner did not specify which substance Mischa was allegedly abusing.
Mischa’s lawyer was in court Thursday fighting the default judgment — and grilled the owner of DCN about why she hadn’t notified Mischa of the mounting bill if the actress was the one responsible for paying it.
The owner replied that she didn’t want the stress of the mounting bill to exacerbate Mischa’s sobriety problems. The owner said it was the nurses’ job to keep Mischa sober before an important acting gig in fall 2009 … the same year she starred in the CW show, “The Beautiful Life.”
Mischa’s lawyer contends it was the actress’ mother who hired the nurses and therefore ran up the bills — so Mischa shouldn’t have to pay. The judge has yet to rule.
I have a hard time believing it cost that much money to make sure a person stays sober. How much can a sturdy chair and some rope cost?
These never get old. Lindsay Lohan is taking heat again for mangling a $1,700 dress that she borrowed to attend an amFAR event in NYC. I’m sure Lindsay’s train of thought behind cutting the bottom off a floor-length gown to make it into a mini-skirt was “How’s anybody supposed to see my crotch in this thing?” From US Weekly:
Lindsay Lohan wore a gorgeous, beaded, floor-sweeping gown by Theia to an amFAR event on Feb. 6 in NYC, but by the time she returned it, the dress was half its original length.
“She said that the dress had ripped [at a club after the fundraiser] — she couldn’t possibly wear it like that — so her stylist friend went to the club bouncer and requested some scissors to repair the torn part of the dress,” a source tells Us Weekly. “But what bouncer has scissors?”
“She turned it into a mullet! Only a fashiony person would do that! ” the source continues. “She’s out of control and behaving really badly.”
This source is being pretty kind. Only a ‘fashiony’ person would do that? ‘Fashiony’ isn’t a real world so I’m going to go ahead and make up a definition.
Fashiony (noun)
1. An entitled cunt who squanders every opportunity and gesture of kindness from others by essentially ruining everything that touches her freckled, nicotine-stained hands.
Image:Fame/Flynet
Rihanna has signed on with MAC cosmetics to come out with her own line of make-up specifically designed to cover-up bruises and facial lacerations. I’ll let you figure out which part of that sentence was true.
Image:By Liam Mendes Uploaded by MyCanon (Rihanna) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
I wouldn’t think that a website that specializes in selling gadgets (really) knows about women, or Hollywood, or women in Hollywood for that matter, but they seem to know something because the UK website, Menkind.co.uk, has proclaimed Kristen Stewart the ‘Least Sexy Actress in Hollywood.’ From E!
It seems Kristen Stewart has just been named the least sexy actress in Hollywood by gadget website MenKind.co.uk, which conducted the survey.
“Our poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men. It’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance,” said a spokesperson for the site, according to various media reports. “They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthy skinny starlets on the big screen.”
Well, rounding out the top 10 are Sarah Jessica Parker, Lindsay Lohan, Denise Richards, Kirsten Dunst, Mischa Barton, Hilary Swank, Lucy Liu, Tilda Swinton and Uma Thurman.
Okay, I understand that Kristen Stewart has about as much sex appeal as a piece of cardboard, and not that fancy corrugated cardboard either, I’m talking your standard single-ply cardboard. But Lindsay Lohan? I’m sure sex with K-Stew is about as enjoyable as jerking off with a Brillo pad, but at least she won’t try to bite off your dick and sell it on the Chinese black market.
Image:Tom Sorensen Uploaded by MyCanon [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Above: Despite being worth an estimated $200 million, Britney Spears stays true to her Southern upbringing and prefers to wear stained sweat pants and over-sized sweaters.
Everyone, and by everyone I mean the half-wits at TMZ, has been going ape shit over Britney Spears’ Valentine’s Day sighting with a mystery man. And now we can end our incessant speculation and go back to our mundane, pathetic lives because through investigative journalism worthy of Bob Woodward, TMZ has discovered the guy’s name is David. Just David, no last name. Not even a ‘David but friends call him Dave,’ or ‘David that guy who got caught jerking off on kittens in the pet store.’ Just David.
They did manage to find out that he’s originally from Atlanta, he works for a law firm doing field research, which I’m almost positive mean he’s a professional stalker, and he’s a decent tipper. I’m glad to see that Britney’s going back to her Southern roots as far as dating goes; because Britney’s really just a small-town, country bumpkin at heart and she’s not going to find love living in LA.
Britney doesn’t know it yet, but her true love is the guy working at the feed store in PoDunk, Alabama, named ‘Possum’ who’s missing two fingers.
Image:Pacific Coast News
thevadge.com 