The stalker caught walking on Rihanna’s roof a few weeks ago has been hit with a restraining order and charged with criminal trespassing. Robert Melanson pled ‘no contest’ to the charges and will serve six day in jail and be on probation for the next three years. Let this be lesson to all you men out there. Punch us in the face a few times: Meh, we’ll get it over it, and probably continue to have sex with you too. But stay the fuck off my roof. Shit’s just weird.
Rihanna is going to defy the odds and become the first twenty-something woman in a bad relationship to have a baby. D Listed
Justin Bieber has finally filled out and can start wearing a training bra now. Lainey Gossip
Miss Teen Delaware Forget that shit on the internet doesn’t die. WWTDD
Kanye West is selling his bachelor pad so he can move into Kim’s spacious vagina. ICYDK
Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens inserting long thin objects into smoking holes. IDLYITW
Rihanna has signed on with MAC cosmetics to come out with her own line of make-up specifically designed to cover-up bruises and facial lacerations. I’ll let you figure out which part of that sentence was true.
Image:By Liam Mendes Uploaded by MyCanon (Rihanna) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
God, I hope this is true, because if it is Chris Brown is going to carve up Justin Bieber like a foreskin at a Bris. (See all previous posts about Chris Brown.) From Life & Style:
Life & Style can exclusively reveal the reason Selena Gomez broke up with Justin Bieber after two years of dating: Selena found out that Justin had cheated on her in the early stages of their relationship — withRihanna.
“It has devastated her,” a friend of Selena and Justin’s reveals in the new issue of Life & Style. “It really cut like a knife because it happened in February of 2011, when Selena and Justin had been dating for months and were falling in love. It’s caused Selena to question their entire relationship.”
After flirting at a basketball game in LA on Feb. 20, 2011, the friend tellsLife & Style that he and Rihanna hooked up…
An insider reveals that they spent time together in NYC while taping the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in November 2012. “During breaks, they’d sneak away to the Hotel Giraffe,” the source tells Life & Style. “They were alone — their security made sure of it. Hotel staff blocked off the entire floor for them.”
A rep for Justin denies anything physical happened with the “S&M” singer. And the friend believes he’ll never confess and let down his fans. “Justin would never admit to it; he would never tell anyone he messed around with Rihanna.”
Since Rihanna’s type is more “murderous thug” than “scrawny, Canadian, white boy” (again, see all previous posts on Chris Brown) I’m gonna say this is bullshit. If anything, Justin probably went to Rihanna’s room where he took a puff off a blunt and promptly fell asleep on the couch, then Rihanna painted his nails while he was passed out. But just to be safe I’m working on a few names for the couple: Ri-Ber, Rihanner and Kip & Lafawnduh.
Rihanna may be suffering long-term brain damage from copious marijuana use and repeated blows to the head, but damned if she doesn’t give the people what they want! (above)
Let the downward spiral begin! Britney Spears is single and not wearing a bra. The Superficial
“Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens are totally lesbians now,” I concluded after seeing this picture and taking it completely out of context. ICYDK
Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson sang this morning. Oh, and there was some kind of inauguration or something. D Listed
Let’s face it, Rihanna’s taken quite a few blows to the head. That’s why she’s always posting pictures on Twitter like the one above of her ‘lonely’ bed aboard her private jet, alluding that she and Chris Brown are no longer an item and she’s single now. I’m guessing this is a cry for attention and help, but then she goes and tweets this picture of her new Porshe. Oh, and did I mention she’s about to purchase a $12 million mansion in L.A.? I’ll pause so you can slam your head against the wall a few times.
I don’t care what they try to teach you in school, being stupid really does pay, but only if you’re hot and you dress like a slut.
Image: Twitter/Instagram – @badgalriri