Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Forgot She Owes A Lot of Money

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ImageIt’s a well-documented fact that women are terrible with money. That’s why we always lose at Monopoly and why my numerous attempts to gain financial independence through cats have failed; those damn things just aren’t profitable no matter how you work the numbers!

So it should come as no surprise that Lindsay Lohan had no idea she owes a couple hundred thousand dollars to her former attorney, Shawn Holley. Not only is Lindsay a woman, she’s fucking stupid too! From TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is telling friends she was clueless until a few days ago that she owed Shawn Holley a small fortune in attorney’s fees, but we’re told now that she knows she’s putting Shawn at the top of her creditor’s list.It’s hard to swallow … that Lindsay didn’t know how much she owed Shawn. We’ve been reporting for weeks it’s in the 6 figures. Sources quite familiar with the situation tell TMZ, Lindsay owes Shawn $150,000.It’s interesting … although Lindsay fired Shawn … our sources tell us she’s been making a full-court press for more than a week to get her back, but Shawn isn’t having it.

We’re told Lindsay has instructed her business manager to pay the tab ASAP. Lindsay is making money from appearances, endorsements and some acting gigs, but she’s been spending like an insane woman — first class plane tickets, expensive hotels, restaurants, clothes, etc. Lindsay says she’ll cut back so Shawn gets paid.

So Lindsay forgetting to pay Shawn was just an oversight. LOL, Lindsay’s so crazy like that.  I bet her and Shawn are gonna have a good belly-laugh over that one. Especially when Lindsay tells her she spent all the money on cocaine and lip injections.

Shawn will just roll her eyes and say “Girl please, one time I dropped 50k on a weave and some nail polish.”

Image: Fame/Flynet

Lindsay Lohan Rejects Dancing With the Stars

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ImageAnother week, another series of mind-boggling Lindsay Lohan stories. Lindsay posted the above picture to Instagram yesterday then promptly took it down, because Max George in no way wants to acknowledge that he’s sleeping with the drug mule. That would be like sleeping with the girl who cleans the toilets on the tour bus, but worse.

Today, TMZ is reporting that Lindsay turned down a half-million dollar offer to appear on Dancing With the Stars. Considering Lindsay is a few eight-balls away from giving $20 hand-jobs in the alley behind Chateau Marmont, and that she owes thousands in back taxes, and thousands more to her lawyer, and she’s being sued by a former assistant, I find her turning this down a little surprising. Especially since we all know Lindsay makes such good decisions.

According to the report, Lindsay would never consider reality TV and only wants to stick to films. Even though the past five years of Lindsay’s career has been a reality circus of  arrests, court appearances and fights, Lindsay draws the line at getting paid for dancing on a respectable and popular TV show. I mean what could be more embarrassing than accidentally doing an inside turn when you were supposed to do a ball-change?

“That’s right, I got fuckin’ standards ya blow hards,” Lindsay responded, a Parliament dangling from her lips as she scratched her crotch and swigged from a half-empty bottle of Poplov.

Lindsay Lohan Fires Her Attorney; Says She Didn’t Mean to

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512px-Lindsay_Lohan,_2011

Lindsay Lohan has avoided jail more times than Paris Hilton has had a back-alley abortion. A lot . The reason she’s done so well in the courtroom is because of her lawyer, Shawn Holley, a bad-ass L.A. attorney who doesn’t care who she has to blow to get a good plea deal for her clients (not true.)  But in a move that would only make sense to a person who hasn’t slept in 48 hours and is high on speedballs, Lindsay fired the well-respected Holley and replaced her with New York ambulance chaser Mark Heller, who was suspended from practicing law for five years back in 1994.

Even though Lindsay signed the order firing Holley, she’s calling the whole thing a misunderstanding and that she never authorized Heller to fire Holley. Oh, of course, a misunderstanding! Lindsay seems to be misunderstood a lot. Like that time the police thought  she stole that necklace but really she just wanted to borrow it forever without paying for it. Or when the police said Lindsay lied about driving a Porshe into the back of a semi, they didn’t understand why Lindsay said she wasn’t driving, but everybody else on scene said she was. Nobody understands!

And now the letter signed by Lindsay terminating Shawn Holley was really a misunderstanding. Lindsay thought she was signing a birthday card! Unfortunately for Lindsay, Holley was on her way to negotiate a plea deal for her when she got her walking papers, and she’s due in court this morning for Lindsay’s charges on lying to the police.  Will Lindsay avoid jail time yet again? All sources point to ‘yes’.

The Daily Discharge

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ImageRemember when I said that making fun of Lindsay Lohan these days is like barfing in a toilet that somebody’s already taken a dump in? Somebody flushed.  Page6

Brace yourself for the World’s largest camel toe. (SFW, barely) DailyMail

Miley Cyrus looks…Different. wwtdd

That little queer from One Direction was finally able to ditch Taylor Swift and have a good time. IDLYITW

Image:By Christopher Macsurak (Lindsay Lohan) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

‘Chat’ With Lindsay Lohan

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ImageLindsay Lohan’s voice sounds like one of Marge Simpson’s sisters, so I’m not sure what to make of this offer from famed New York strip club Scores to pay Lindsay’s storage bill and rent in exchange for her serving as an online video chat host for its website, no nudity required. 

Am I missing something? Does the word ‘chat’ mean something different now? Because right now all Lindsay has going for her is tits. 

Image: Fame Flynet

Fuck Court! Lindsay’s Going to London With The Wanted.

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When I first heard Lindsay Lohan was riding around on the tour bus of The Wanted I assumed they were keeping her around for her business acumen and meaningful insights into the trappings of fame and fortune that could help the newly-famous young men walk a straight line.  Then I remembered it was Lindsay Lohan and she probably has a connect for really good blow.

And now the boys of The Wanted are taking their drug mule international.  Lindsay is skipping her court date in Los Angeles this Wednesday and flying off to London and Dubai with the 5-member band because I’m pretty sure she can score drugs in those cities too.

But don’t worry, Lindsay isn’t required to appear in court and will be represented by her attorney, Shawn Holley.  Well that’s good, she needs a break from her crushing personal problems, and nothing says ‘vacation’ like speedballs and a five-on-one gang bang.

Image:© Glenn Francis, http://www.PacificProDigital.com

The Daily Discharge

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Above: Included in the price of Lindsay’s cheap taffeta gown is a blow-job from Lindsay herself!

If you’ve ever wanted to own clothes that smell like stale cigarette smoke, mingled with a tangy blend of dried vomit and semen, now might be your chance! Radaronline

The only thing better than JWoww jumping off a very high platform is if she wears a bathing suit while doing it. Hollywoodreporter

Have you ever wanted to make a porno with your mom? Me either!  Huffingtonpost

Taylor Swift showcases why she’s about to get dumped again. Dlisted

Image:Fame/Flynet