BuckWild Star Shae Bradley Made a Wise and Respectful Legal Move. Wait, What?

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Either that, or these people are even stupider than I thought.  The sex tape featuring Shae Bradley and Jesse J from MTV’S cancelled show Buckwild was ordered destroyed by a judge after Shae went to court last week and filed an injunction to stop the release of the tape. Bradley’s ex-boyfriend, Jesse J admitted to the judge he was using the illicit tape in an attempt to “ruin her (Bradley’s) life.”

Uhhh, this girl knows the show was cancelled, right? A sex tape could have bought her at least another 32 seconds of fame. Is this an attempt to build hype? Instead of being destroyed is this sex tape going to be frozen in a mason jar of moon shine and hidden inside the Ark of the Convenant only to be released when the world needs it most?

In related news, Farrah Abraham took her 3-year-old daughter and her dad to the offices of Vivid Entertainment to negotiate the release of her porno. Because that’s what families do!  Parents should support their children’s poor choices by helping them negotiate the most money for their mistakes, while also showing the youngest generation that with a little bit of know-how and business sense, she too can get reamed on camera by a well-hung porn star for money.

The Reese Witherspoon Mug Shot

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It’s always refreshing to see a real celebrity, like Reese Witherspoon, get in trouble for doing something stupid, like driving around drunk and then getting arrested for disorderly conduct. It makes you realize they’re normal people too, and make the same mistakes you make, except replace ‘disorderly conduct’ with ‘distributing illegal substances’ and ‘arrested’ with ‘convicted.’ You’re just like me! From TMZ:

Cops say they spotted Reese and her husband Jim Toth’s car — a silver Ford Fusion — weaving in and out of lanes, so they pulled them over. 

As officers dealt with Jim, Reese allegedly started acting up, telling cops, “Do you know my name?”

The officer answered by saying, “No, I don’t need to know your name.” 

Witherspoon then came back with, “You’re about to find out who I am … You are going to be on national news.”

During Jim’s arrest, Reese allegedly became ornery, demonstrating visual and verbal frustration over how long it was taking to arrest her husband.

At one point, she got out of her car and the officer ordered her back inside. When she got out a second time, he arrested her for disorderly conduct, a municipal ordinance.

They were both taken to jail, booked, and released a short time later. 

A Silver Ford Fusion? I hope to God that was a rental. No wonder that cop didn’t believe her, he probably gets that shit all the time. “Do’s you see’s this Chevy Malibu Ahhhh-ficer? Ah’m Liz Taylor… Dead???!!! Then Ah’m that English Queen. *In British Accent* Do’s ya know who I am Guv’nor? Unhand me! Guards!” *Gets Tazed*

Amanda Bynes is Crazy Because She Smokes Weed. Hahahahahahaha!

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Since 90% of the people using the internet are currently smoking a joint while watching increasingly depraved porn in a desperate attempt to get off, we can all have a good laugh at Radar Online’s assertion that the ‘secret’ reason Amanda Bynes is wack-a-doodle crazy is because she smokes marijuana.

The ex-Nickelodeon star “has used marijuana as a recreational user for several years,” a source close to the troubled actress revealed.

“Amanda’s increasingly disturbing behavior is related to the fact that she smokes pot.

“It makes her more paranoid and instead of mellowing her out, it does the opposite. Amanda begins talking faster and just can’t seem to sit still.”

It’s been pretty well documented that Amanda smokes the wacky-tobacky, so it’s really not a secret, and unless she’s lacing her bong loads with PCP, I have a hard time believing that when Amanda tweeted the above ‘flattering’ picture she was only stoned. It would take a hell of lot more than the good shit to convince someone that’s an attractive picture of a duck, let alone a female human being.

Ever See ‘American Pie?’ Wanna Go Have Sex?

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Remember Finch from American Pie? Me either, but it looks like the guy who played him, Eddie Kaye Thomas, is still using that line to pick up women. And he got exactly what you expect out of a woman willing to leave a bar with a one-time 90’s movie star: A knife-wielding maniac threatening to kill you. From TMZ:

SWAT responded to Thomas’ house Wednesday evening after Thomas called 911 … and remained in a standoff with the woman for a couple hours … before forcing her out with tear gas.
She was taken into custody, checked out at a hospital, and then booked for felony vandalism.
But here’s the best part — according to law enforcement sources Eddie met the chick the night before at Mel’s Diner, and brought her back to his place.

Eddie says they got into an argument, and she pulled out a knife. During the standoff, we’re told the woman smashed up a phone, a guitar … and generally trashed Eddie’s house before cops smoked her out.

This chick is making women who go home with random men they meet at bars at bad name. Don’t let this be deterrent guys, normally we’ll just steal your watch and leave you with a nice case of syphilis.

Image:By Attit Patel from Toronto, Canada [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Kim Kardashian Admits Kanye Has Escaped Her Gravitational Pull

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They say a child a greatest gift a woman can give to a man, and so you think when Kim Kardashian got pregnant with Kanye West’s child he would be a doting father, if for no other reason than the kid would be 50% him.

But surprisingly even Kanye West doesn’t want to be around something created by Kanye West if it involves being around Kim Kardashian too. From Radar Online:

Kanye apparently wants to live in France, with Kim not willing to leave her U.S.-based reality TV empire.

Now the extent of Kim and Kanye’s separation has been uncovered in legal proceedings.

“Kim was forced to admit during her deposition that she has spent more time away from Kanye than with him,” a source tells Radar exclusively. The revelation came in a deposition that’s part of her divorce from Kris Humphries.

And it comes as rumblings are growing that there is trouble in paradise between the couple.

 “She blamed their hectic schedules, but it was obvious that it pained her a great deal. Kim is pregnant with his baby, and Kanye is missing all of her prenatal doctor’s appointments, because he is halfway around the world in Paris.

Mind you that Kim has taken the trans-Atlantic flight to visit Kanye in Paris numerous times while Kanye hasn’t left Paris since February, because everyone knows how easy it is to fly for a pregnant woman whose ass requires its own seat. What I’m getting at here is that Kanye found the Holy Grail of Ass for black men and couldn’t help but think, “With my overwhelming sense of self-importance and her insatiable need for self-promotion we could make a Nobel Laureate.” And that’s how the next Hitler was conceived.

Kim Kardashian Admits Kanye Has Escaped Her Gravitational Pull

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They say a child a greatest gift a woman can give to a man, and so you think when Kim Kardashian got pregnant with Kanye West’s child he would be a doting father, if for no other reason than the kid would be 50% him.

But surprisingly even Kanye West doesn’t want to be around something created by Kanye West if it involves being around Kim Kardashian too. From Radar Online:

Kanye apparently wants to live in France, with Kim not willing to leave her U.S.-based reality TV empire.

Now the extent of Kim and Kanye’s separation has been uncovered in legal proceedings.

“Kim was forced to admit during her deposition that she has spent more time away from Kanye than with him,” a source tells Radar exclusively. The revelation came in a deposition that’s part of her divorce from Kris Humphries.

And it comes as rumblings are growing that there is trouble in paradise between the couple.

 “She blamed their hectic schedules, but it was obvious that it pained her a great deal. Kim is pregnant with his baby, and Kanye is missing all of her prenatal doctor’s appointments, because he is halfway around the world in Paris.

Mind you that Kim has taken the trans-Atlantic flight to visit Kanye in Paris numerous times while Kanye hasn’t left Paris since February, because everyone knows how easy it is to fly for a pregnant woman whose ass requires its own seat. What I’m getting at here is that Kanye found the Holy Grail of Ass for black men and couldn’t help but think, “With my overwhelming sense of self-importance and her insatiable need for self-promotion we could make a Nobel Laureate.” And that’s how the next Hitler was conceived.

Dear Diary, Today I Kicked Justin Bieber in the Nuts

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I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was around 10 years old, and even though that was many years and many bong loads ago, I can nonetheless assure you that there was not one mention of Justin Bieber anywhere in that book, I  remember Ol’Yeller gets rabies and has to be shot, but definitely no Bieber.

But that didn’t stop Justin Bieber from presuming that if Anne Frank were alive today she would be one of his screaming, obnoxious fans willing to send death threats to anyone who dare speak ill of him on Twitter. Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam over the weekend and according the museum’s Facebook page:

 He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In our guestbook he wrote: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.”

I will overlook the fact that he marginalized the incredible story and tragic end of a brave young woman by using her as a self-serving opportunity to promote himself. But ‘Anne was a great girl,’ is the phrase you use to describe the date that gave you a blowjob in the back of your 91’ Honda Civic after taking them to In-N-Out and never calling them again. Fuck you, Justin! I thought you really liked me!