Dear Diary, Today I Kicked Justin Bieber in the Nuts

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I read The Diary of Anne Frank when I was around 10 years old, and even though that was many years and many bong loads ago, I can nonetheless assure you that there was not one mention of Justin Bieber anywhere in that book, I  remember Ol’Yeller gets rabies and has to be shot, but definitely no Bieber.

But that didn’t stop Justin Bieber from presuming that if Anne Frank were alive today she would be one of his screaming, obnoxious fans willing to send death threats to anyone who dare speak ill of him on Twitter. Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam over the weekend and according the museum’s Facebook page:

 He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In our guestbook he wrote: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.”

I will overlook the fact that he marginalized the incredible story and tragic end of a brave young woman by using her as a self-serving opportunity to promote himself. But ‘Anne was a great girl,’ is the phrase you use to describe the date that gave you a blowjob in the back of your 91’ Honda Civic after taking them to In-N-Out and never calling them again. Fuck you, Justin! I thought you really liked me!

Justin Bieber Cancels Concert, Proves We’re All Fucking Stupid

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I can’t think of a more telling sign that America is losing its dominance in the world than the fact that the Portugese have managed to run Justin Bieber out of their country while we continue to let him run wild though our streets with no shirt on and his pants down.

According to TMZ, Le Beaver has canceled his upcoming concert in Portugal due to low ticket sales while all his North American tour shows were completely sold out, which seems to indicate that a country whose only notable contribution to the world was maybe helping ‘discover’ a continent already inhabited by several million people has surpassed us in both intelligence and self-respect.