Conflicting reports suggest that the police may have been called to Amanda Bynes NYC home after she made suicide threats to her/a publicist. It’s nice to see those kinds of things are still taken seriously. These days, when I stick my head in the oven my husband asks if that’s really what we’re having for dinner. I’ll do it this time I swear!
Amanda got into a twitter fight and then quickly made up with Jenny McCarthy after she repeated via Twitter that the police had been called to Amanda’s home. The original tweet came from Jonathan Jaxson, a self-described “Publicist/Manager/Marketing/Consulting/God Fearing/Realtor” who has been helping Amanda with her public image. Are you still following all this? Then you’re stupid.
Jonathan Jaxson told Radar Online:
“Amanda had called me and we had a private conversation, but it was clear to me that she was high on drugs.
Then, she said that she didn’t want to live anymore. I took that as that she wanted to kill herself. I freaked out.”
Jaxson said he immediately called the New York Police Department and tweeted at their handle that the 27-year-old ex-Nickelodeon star was “soooo messed up on drugs”, knowing that officers would then perform a welfare check.
Police have not said if they attended Bynes’ apartment, but Jaxson told RadarOnline.com he later received a call from an officer explaining that Bynes “was fine”.
All this does is prove to me that Twitter really is the playground for our most idiotic members of society, at least it keeps them off the streets. Did this guy really tweet to the NYPD to go help Amanda? Did he do that right after sending out a picture of his Kung Pao Chicken he was about to eat? But what I find most unbelievable about all of this is that Amanda Bynes has a publicist. What has this guy been doing as his client self-implodes on Twitter while wandering the streets of New York talking to the parking meters? She would be better off hiring the person representing Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.
Amanda Bynes took a break from talking to the voices inside her smoke alarms to shave half of her head and post some pictures of her new ‘do on Twitter. All I can think of when I see these pictures is that Miley Cyrus might want to go into hiding in the very near future. I’m pretty sure Amanda’s next move will be showing up at Miley’s house with a chloroform-soaked rag and a hatchet.
“Hi Liam, I’m Miley now. Don’t mind those flies buzzing around, they’re controlled by the French government. They follow me wherever I go. STOPSTRUGGLINGANDDIEBITCHDIE!”
Since 90% of the people using the internet are currently smoking a joint while watching increasingly depraved porn in a desperate attempt to get off, we can all have a good laugh at Radar Online’s assertion that the ‘secret’ reason Amanda Bynes is wack-a-doodle crazy is because she smokes marijuana.
The ex-Nickelodeon star “has used marijuana as a recreational user for several years,” a source close to the troubled actress revealed.
“Amanda’s increasingly disturbing behavior is related to the fact that she smokes pot.
“It makes her more paranoid and instead of mellowing her out, it does the opposite. Amanda begins talking faster and just can’t seem to sit still.”
It’s been pretty well documented that Amanda smokes the wacky-tobacky, so it’s really not a secret, and unless she’s lacing her bong loads with PCP, I have a hard time believing that when Amanda tweeted the above ‘flattering’ picture she was only stoned. It would take a hell of lot more than the good shit to convince someone that’s an attractive picture of a duck, let alone a female human being.
Following the playbook “How to Destroy a Once Promising Career,” produced, written, directed and starring Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes has taken to Twitter threatening to sue US Weekly and Perez Hilton for suggesting she’s mentally unstable after she was photographed leaving a McDonald’s in Times Square with a blue shirt over her head.
“I’m suing @usweekly & @perezhilton for continuing to act like I’m doing something wrong by tweeting and walking to photoshoots. F–k you!!!!” Amanda Tweeted.
Then like most mentally unstable people, she completely forgot what she was so upset about, tweeting a few minutes later “Check my twitter for updates on my clothing and perfume line plus pix!”
When asked for comment about her potential lawsuits Amanda replied, “Frogs don’t need bicycles when they have helicopters, but the pencils just ride around on microwaves. Why are you trying to read my mind?”
Amanda Bynes tweeted this picture of herself over the weekend to remind everyone that with the right filter, a shit load of make-up and a compact covering half her face she can still pass for attractive, while also proving that she and Lindsay Lohan get their wigs from the same discount supplier.