Monthly Archives: May 2013

This Isn’t Amanda Bynes But if it Was This is What She Would Look Like

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Two photographers have infiltrated Amanda Byne’s apartment, making their way through the wig maze and microwave zone to snap pictures of her squalid apartment and claimed they saw Amanda using marijuana and cocaine. The two photographers then sold their horrifying tale to Intouch magazine, which Amanda then threatened to sue because those guys are lying and the pictures are totally fake and photoshopped and those aren’t her feet, and besides, the black guy was the ones who brought the drugs!

“That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured!”Amanda tweeted on Wednesday night, regarding the exclusive layout in this week’s issue of In Touch magazine. Via Radar:

“I just did an exclusive interview with intouch last week, now they bought fake altered photos by obviously that ugly black man in the photo or someone who knows him!”

The “black man” Amanda is referring to is a photographer named Giovanni Arnold — the one who did the interview with the tabloid and shared the photos.

“I have to sue because that’s not my apartment, those aren’t my clothes! They morphed photos of my face onto someone’s body to ruin my life!” Amanda claims.

“I have to make a big deal of this and sue because that’s not me! I care about my appearance so I have to defend myself! I look so much prettier now that I had surgery that I only want new post surgery photos of me on the cover of tabloids and real magazines that I don’t need to sue!”

And then to completely substantiate and lend credibility to everything she just said about how the In Touch  story is fake, Amanda told the magazine:

 “They’re the ones into drugs, so they bring drugs, but I don’t do them.”

So what Amanda is saying is “These people are liars I’ve never met in my life, now tell them to come get their microphones out of my apartment and if they could I need them to bring by an eight ball later.”

Image:Twitter

Psy Doppelganger Makes Everyone at Cannes Look Stupid and Racist

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I’ve written before how Psy is really just a ploy sent by the Korean government to get American to let down its guard doing homoerotic dance moves so they can plan another Pearl Harbor style attack. And if I needed any more proof of that, Page Six is reporting that a fake Psy has showed up at Cannes, fooling our most intelligent and looked up to citizens: Celebrities.

An impostor posing as “Gangnam Style” sensation Psy became the toast of Cannes as he partied with stars, scooped up swag, danced on a French TV show and even signed a deal to be honored at a gala in Monaco, before being called out yesterday by the real rapper.

For two days the dead-ringer was showered with champagne and posed for pics with celebrities, including Adrien Brody and Bond girl Naomie Harris, who enthusiastically tweeted a shot with the Psy look-alike at a Chopard party.

There’s a comment here about white people being unable to discern one person of Asian descent from another that I’m going to refrain from making.

Image:By Eva Rinaldi from Sydney, Australia  [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D

Brad Pitt’s Talking About How Horrible Life With Jennifer Aniston Was Again

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In a new interview with Esquire magazine, Brad Pitt describes how before he met Angelina Jolie he was sitting on a couch in his underwear smoking a joint and wasting his life in vapid, meaningless conversations about bronzer and highlights with an unnamed, orange specter with a ubiquitous haircut.

Via Page Six:

“I spent years [bleep]ing off,” Pitt admitted. “But then I got burnt out and felt that I was wasting my opportunity.” Then, “about a decade ago,” when he was still married to Aniston, he says he made a “conscious change” in his life. “It was an epiphany — a decision not to squander my opportunities,” he explained. “It was a feeling of, ‘Get up.’ Because otherwise, what’s the point?”

Brad admits he’s much happier now that he has six children and twelve nannies to care for them, because he enjoys the “chaos,” and  cheap foreign labor. Pitt expressed joy about finding happiness with his partner Angelina, who, honest-to-god, actually gave birth to three of those kids. “Have you seen her tits lately?” Brad gushed, “They look great!”

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Above: Eva Longoria sizing up her vagina.

Soooo, to the two of you who actually read this site you may have noticed posting has been slow the last few weeks, it’s because I’ve been busy moving from one shitty, remote part of San Diego to an even shittier, more remote part of San Diego and will be settled and posting within a few days. To the hundred or so of you who stumble upon this site accidentally while searching for ‘horny boy scouts’ or ‘early teen cameltoe’ (seriously, I can see what you’re searching for and so can the government,) here’s the link to Eva Longoria’s vadge flash at Cannes, because let’s face it, the only reason anybody clicks on a site called The Vadge is because they’re hoping to gain some insight into Divergence theorem. Enjoy!

Image:By Hispanic Lifestyle  Uploaded by MyCanon (Eva Longoria) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab is Disgusting

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Lifetime's 'Liz & Dick' Los Angeles Premiere

Radar Online is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has gained five pounds since entering the Betty Ford Clinic and being taken off Adderal. I know, like, totally disgusting right? How dare a person getting help for their very serious and potentially life-threatening problems gain an amount of weight that’s equivalent to the dump I take every morning. I’m sure if the judge had known this was going to happen he would have let her continue to slowly kill herself with drugs and alcohol, that’s far preferable than having another fat chick around.

Image:Fame/Flynet

Lock Your Doors, Jaden Smith is About to be Freed

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In an interview with The Sun, Will Smith revealed that he doesn’t believe in punishing his entitled, cocky teenaged children, which somewhat explains the ‘entitled, cocky’ part of that sentence. He also said that his 14-year-old son Jaden asked to be emancipated for this 15 birthday, because he’s got his own mansion he wants to live in, and Will doing the Fresh Prince Rap in front of his friends is just getting embarrassing now. Via Radar:

Will explains that Jaden, who will be celebrating his 15th birthday in July…asked for a very unique gift.

“He says, ‘Dad, I want to be emancipated.’ I know if we do this, he can be an emancipated minor, because he really wants to have his own place, like ‘Ooh,’” Will explained.

Keep in mind that that not only is this kid friends with Justin Bieber, he’s also rumored to be dating one of the Kardashian/Jenner sisters, Kylie or Kraken or something like that, the uglier one, so obviously he doesn’t make very good decisions. If Will unleashes Jaden on to the world it will be a matter of weeks before he’s selling military secrets to the Chinese to get his powdered rhinoceros horn fix.

Image:Tom Sorensen [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Holy Shit! Angelina Jolie Had a Double Masectomy

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File this one down under Blown the Fuck Away, the breasts that single-handedly nursed an entire African nation back from the brink of starvation are no more. Angelina Jolie revealed in an Op-Ed piece to the New York Times that she underwent a voluntary double mastectomy at the beginning of this year. Following is an excerpt that will take all fun out of the words ‘nipple’ and ‘breast,’ sorry boys:

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

Good for her, I can’t imagine how hard a decision that was for her, and her sharing her story has the potential to help millions of other women, not to mention I didn’t think it was possible to make Jennifer Aniston look any more like a narcissistic, self-serving harpy every time she trashes Angie about stealing her husband, but she did. Way to go Ange!

Image:By Philipp von Ostau (Own work) [FAL, GFDL 1.2 (http://www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/fdl-1.2.html)