Since I’ll never be able to afford the actual picture, I’ve taken the liberty of using the photo ISIS has been distributing as proof of the birth of the Islamic Antichrist. Close enough.
Behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to proclaim the birth of the holy progeny, the first born son of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West is delivered unto us . A savior born of obscene wealth and priviledge that we might forget the ills and troubles of the world, and our own shitty, disastified existence in order to praise him and increase the bidding price for the first photo.
Update: They named the baby Saint, so my assertions weren’t too far off, though if they had named it Christ I would have won $100.
Kanye West celebrated his 36th birthday on Saturday, and since his pregnant, soon-to-be-locked-in-the-custody-battle-of-the-century, baby mama, Kim Kardashian, is in Los Angeles, Kanye had his birthday party in New York. Because God knows nothing can ruin a good time like a pregnant woman.
But Kim and Kanye are soulmates and share such a deep, transcendental relationship that Kim knew she didn’t have to be there in person to wish him happy birthday or glare disapprovingly because she can’t drink or have fun, she simply instagrammed the above photo collage of the couple during happier times with the deeply personal and private caption: “Happy Birthday to my best friend, the ♥ of my life, my soul!!!! I love you beyond words!” to her 8,626,209 followers. I’m sure someone passed that along to him.