For To Us A Child Is Born

Since I’ll never be able to afford the actual picture, I’ve taken the liberty of using the photo ISIS has been distributing as proof of the birth of the Islamic Antichrist.  Close enough.

Behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to proclaim the birth of the holy progeny, the first born son of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West is delivered unto us . A savior born of obscene wealth and priviledge that we might forget the ills and troubles of the world, and our own shitty, disastified  existence in order to praise him and increase the bidding price for the first photo.

Merry Christmas!

Update: They named the baby Saint, so my assertions weren’t too far off, though if they had named it Christ I would have won $100.




Kim Kardashian Has Forgotten Her Roots

Pregnant Kim Kardashian Arriving On A Flight At LAX

Remember this six months from now when Kim sells the first pictures of her baby to People for $10 million, because a source from the New York Daily News claims that Kim will not be selling  her baby pictures. Via Hollywood Life:

“Kim isn’t going to sell the pics. She’s not interested in doing that at all,” the source told the newspaper.

Ever since dating Kanye — who is super private like his pals Beyonce and Jay-Z — Kim has changed her priorities.

“Kris is the one who wants to make money, but Kanye has changed Kim so much. He’s not interested in doing any of that. He did one episode of her show and he’s not coming back on,” the source added. ”He’s not ever shown on Kourtney & Kim Take Miami. It’s just not good for his image and he’s way more private than Kim.”

The source added that Kim will probably release photos of her and Kanye’s baby on her own terms.

“She will tweet out the baby pic or do something like that,” the source said.

What Kim seems to have forgotten is that Kanye, Beyonce and Jay-Z are all talented to some degree. Well maybe not so much Kanye. But Kim, Kim isn’t really good at anything, unless getting slapped in the face with an enormous black dick while staring into a camera constitutes talent now. No? I didn’t think so.

In fact the only thing Kim and the rest of her vacuous, money hungry family is good at is exposing their mind-numbingly vapid day-to-day lives via every media outlet possible. These people sell their used underwear on e-bay, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started selling their toenail clippings, and we all know god-damn well that if Kris Jenner could score a deal with Kotex, every last one of them would be Instagramming their used tampons.

So when Kim says she values privacy now and won’t be selling her pictures, what she really meant to say was, “I haven’t heard my name mentioned in the last 24 hours, so let me say something completely implausible and stupid so you can talk about me some more.”

And it worked! God Damn You Kim, It Worked!!!!