Justin Bieber Cancels Concert, Proves We’re All Fucking Stupid

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

I can’t think of a more telling sign that America is losing its dominance in the world than the fact that the Portugese have managed to run Justin Bieber out of their country while we continue to let him run wild though our streets with no shirt on and his pants down.

According to TMZ, Le Beaver has canceled his upcoming concert in Portugal due to low ticket sales while all his North American tour shows were completely sold out, which seems to indicate that a country whose only notable contribution to the world was maybe helping ‘discover’ a continent already inhabited by several million people has surpassed us in both intelligence and self-respect.

Justin Bieber Collapses at Concert

Probably because he was up waayyy past his bedtime and had taken a few too many swigs of Dimetol, Justin Bieber collapsed during a performance in London last night. Much to the relief of the thousands of tweens who came to see him and the chagrin of their pissed off parents who had to chaperone, Justin returned to the stage to finish the show.

“Come on Emma looks like Justin might be dead, maybe we can get home in time for Duck Dyna…Son of a bitch, he’s back!”

After the show Justin was taken to a hospital where he tweeted the above picture to prove that he’s still perfectly capable of posing like a queer with his shirt off.

Justin Do-Gooder is Trying to Make Me Hate Him Less

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For all the shit I talk about Justin Beaver-Bumper, I have to be fair when he does something  newsworthy that doesn’t involve him being an insolent weiner. Like when he visited 7-year-old cancer patient, Millie Flamm, at a Salt Lake City hospital Saturday night before his concert.  I will also point out that Justin regularly visits children at hospitals and although he doesn’t promote it, the pictures usually get out.  Damn PMS.  I have to go now, there’s something in my eye…

Justin Bieber – Blaze of Glory

ImageThe photographer killed last week trying to photograph Canada’s version of Rick Astley (gotcha!) swore up and down that he saw Justin Bieber smoking weed in his car.  The Beaver’s reps denied this was true, but TMZ posted photos today of Justin bogarting a blunt at a hotel room in Newport Beach; so at least that paparazzo didn’t die in vain.

I don’t have rights to the photo so I can’t post it, but he’s holding that thing like it’s a Virginia Slim! Puff n’ pass Justin. Puff n’ pass! That shit’ll get you killed in some circles.

Image:Adam Sundana [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Justin Bieber is Out of Control

Power 96.1's Jingle Ball 2012 - Press Room

Justin Bieber is an infuriating, punk-ass bitch who dresses like this, drives a Ferrari  and sings like a girl, but that’s all okay with his record label.   What they’re not okay with  is Justin  smoking weed everyday and being an insufferable douche, at least according to the New York Daily News. A source for Confidenti@l says:

 “Justin doesn’t seem to care and does whatever he wants,” a source tell Confidenti@l. One insider says Bieber’s team has had several talks with him, but “he doesn’t listen to anyone.”

“He smokes weed all day, from the time he gets up, and orders everybody around. He’s surrounded by hangers-on who say ‘yes’ to anything he wants. There’s no supervision.”

That source indicates Bieber’s family sometimes comes to him for money, which further complicates the situation.

While some close to Bieber think he’s simply exhibiting teen angst, another source tells us, “This could really damage his reputation if they don’t get it under control. Justin is someone young teens look up to and this kind of behavior can really hurt his career. Just look at what happened with Britney Spears.”

Damage his reputation? He’s a Canadian, wanna-be street thug who wears the crotch of his skinny jeans at his knees.  If this is true it could be the best thing for his credibility since he started dating that beard Selena Gomez.

Image: Fame/Flynet

Victoria’s Secret’s Secret’s Out

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I believe that headline is grammatically correct, Alex (smartass.)

The muckrakers at GreenPeace are at it again, this time stirring the pot in their new 56-page-report  that claims lingerie and clothing produced by Victoria’s Secret in Chinese sweatshops contain toxic chemicals.

Unless you’re some kind of mindless consumer that makes shopping decisions based on Giselle’s bouncing breasts (me, here!) you would know that Victoria’s Secret is nothing but overpriced crap, and what you’re really paying for is their enormous advertising budget which includes however much it costs to have Adrianna Lima trounce down the runway in a diamond bra, and Justin Bieber parade around singing in a castrato.

$30 for a pair of panties?  That’s the yearly salary of the 8-year-old factory worker who sewed them! And then you can’t find a bra there that doesn’t have at least two cups worth of padding in it.  Which seems like a great idea, until you have to take it off, suddenly a glass that was abundantly full becomes a swallow of backwash.

Image:By Randy Robertson from Newbury Park, California, USA (Think Green) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Weekend Discharge

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Together Again. Rihanna tweeted the above picture of what appears to be a headless Chris Brown on a bed, causing wild speculation on the web about whether the two are back together and proving my original hypothesis: people are stupid.

A Blow-Out Fight between two French men took place on Halle Berry’s driveway this Thanksgiving; Surprisingly, both men stood their ground and one of them kind of got his ass kicked. Story Here.

Psy’s Gangnam Style video toppled Justin Bieber’s Baby as the most watched YouTube video which restores a lot of my faith in the internet.  Baby sucked, while the slightly homoerotic Gangnam Style has Psy singing while another man’s balls hover just over his head, showcasing how frighteningly strange and awesome Korean culture us.  Speaking of Justin Bieber, he received the Diamond Jubilee Medal from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper , and wore this.  Fag!