Daily Discharge

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Candice Swanepoel shows us the white girl ass to end all white girl asses. On that note, I think mine might have actually brushed the back of my knees today. (above)

If you date George Clooney for a year he’ll buy you a house, but if you give Lou Diamond Phillips a hand job in the bathroom of a three-star hotel he might buy you a drink; just saying. D Listed 

Charlize Theron takes her dog and token black kid for a walk, but what I really want to know is what the fat, black woman with the purple hair thinks is so fucking funny about that. ICYDK

Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to freeze her eggs now, because men love that and don’t find it creepy or desperate at all. The Superficial

Justin Bieber did what none of us thought was possible; made us feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. WWTDD

 

Daily Discharge

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Candice Swanepoel is posting self-portraits on Twitter again. I could look like that, I just don’t want to. (above)

Here’s all those unflattering Beyonce photos everyone’s been talking about. Buzzfeed

Just Kim Kardashian doing what she always does. WWTDD

I know we’ve all wondered this a million times before, but what the fuck happened to Lindsay Lohan’s face? D Listed

Stand by your man, even when he punches you in the face! ICYDK

Nice try Jennifer Love Hewitt, but noone’s falling for it. The Superficial

Candice Swanepoel’s Ass is Hungry

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I’m a woman, so I’m terrible with money and have no business sense; I once tried to invest all my money in kittens.  But I’m going to recommend to anyone reading this that they invest in Frankie’s Bikinis, because Candice Swanepoel just posted a picture of her ass gobbling up one of their bikini bottoms, and I think the way this works is that everyone’s going to go buy one now.  That or just stare at this picture until their lower jaw falls off.

Naked Victoria’s Secret Angels (not really, I just said that to get your attention.)

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Above: Heidi Klum and Adriana Lima

This one’s for the ladies

Mandatory.com has posted a list of some of the most famous Victoria’s Secret angels sans make-up, and there’s a lot of good and a lot of bad. Alessandria Ambrosio looks great either way, and Candice Swanepoel actually looks better without the make-up. Bar Rafaeli  looks good but she’s the most non-descript woman ever, I’m not sure Leonardo DiCaprio knew he was dating the same woman that whole time, he probably thought she was just one of the many random, tall, blonde women who show up to have sex with him, I’m sure that happens a lot. Finally, I’m sorry, but Miranda Kerr is just kind of fug no matter what you do with her.

Now on to the bad.  Heidi Klum looks like she works at Wal-Mart while Karolina Kurkova looks like she couldn’t even get a job at Wal-Mart. Adriana Lima looks like my Sicilian grandmother and Tyra Banks looks like the mug shot of a woman who just killed and ate her baby.

Image:By The Heart Truth (The Heart Truth Fashion Show 2008) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons