Monthly Archives: November 2012

Ben Affleck Feels Sorry For Himself

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 C’mon you guys, knock it off…

 Ben Affleck got so tired of everyone hating on him after the ‘Bennifer’years that he decided to make a bunch of really shitty movies and fade silently into obscurity.  At least until Argo was released and did well enough in the box office that now he can come back out from under his rock and bitch about how mean everyone was to him.

He tells GQ:

“… like one of those fights you see on YouTube where one of them falls down and then a bunch of people who were standing around come over and kick the person. They don’t know them, they have no involvement in the fight, but they recognize a moment that they can get a free shot in, and for some people it’s just too much to resist. And that was definitely me at that point. I was the guy.”

Ah, yes.  I can totally see how being a talentless movie-star making millions of dollars and being married to a beautiful actress can make you relate to some nobody, face-down in the concrete getting the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of thugs. I guess that’s how being a method actor works.

Image:PD

Channing Tatum is Sexy, Sucks

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People Magazine making inroads on simian equality

 The people at People Magazine have shone once again how out of touch they are with actual people by naming half-man/half-ape Channing Tatum as this year’s Sexiest Man.

This guy has the blank look of a UFC fighter whose been kicked in the head too many times. Plus, his first name is a last name and his last name is a first name which really pisses me off for some reason. I’d bang Heath Ledger’s corpse over this bone-head.

Also on People’s list: Patrick Duffy (seriously,) Charlie Day(talks like a girl,) and Adam Levine(the pose says it all.) Which means, miraculously, Lance Bass wasn’t the gayest person on the list. I’m tired of Hollywood trying to push a bunch of candy-assed metros and tell me they’re hot. This list is proof that in Hollywood, if you give enough blow-jobs you’ll make it to the top.
Image:By Tony Shek (Channing Tatum) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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Beloved Grandmother and Aerosmith Frontman, Steven Tyler

Living on the Edge, of a stroke

 Aerosmith’s latest album “Music From Another Dimension” has opened to paltry numbers on the Billboard top 200.  Which makes sense because from the looks of it, Steven Tyler passed away sometime in 2011.

The album placed #5, being beaten out by other rocker/grandma Rod Stewart’s “Merry Christmas Baby,” and had a dismal 63K in sales. Too bad that ‘other dimension’ wasn’t 1993.

Image:By Aerosmith at it.wikipedia [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)%5D, from Wikimedia Commons

Will Ferrell and Liam Neeson Join ‘Lego’ Movie

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Warner Bros. announces they’ve run out of ideas

Remember those blocks you used to play with as a kid that hurt like hell when you stepped on them? Well you better, because Warner Brothers is making a movie based on them, and they’ve somehow gotten Will Ferrell and Liam Neeson to sign on to a film that’s essentially about bricks.  Lego 3D, an animated film, is scheduled for release in February 2014.  According to the Hollywood Reporter:

 Ferrell will play President Business, a CEO who has a hard time balancing world domination and managing his own life. Neeson is the henchman, simply known as Bad Cop.

Really? So not only are you making a movie based on a building block, you couldn’t even bother to name the characters. ‘President Business’ and ‘Bad Cop’ are descriptions, they sound like the names you use as placeholders before you think of real, clever names.

I’m sure the general attitude at Warners was ‘anyone stupid enough to pay to see Lego 3D isn’t going to care about names.’

Image:By Priwo (photo taken by de:Benutzer:Priwo) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

That’s A Wrap!

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But I didn’t order a pizza…

On Tuesday Los Angeles residents hit the polls in the fight against moral turpitude and took back their fair city from the purveyors of smut that seek to corrupt their drug-dealing children.  Measure B, passed by an overwhelming 56% to 43%, would require adult film producers to get permits from the Los Angeles Department of Public Health and for actors in adult films to wear condoms; Pornographic movie sets would be subject to random inspections.
In related news, the typical boring workday for Department of Public Health employees just got a whole lot more exciting.
Image:By The Naughty American The photograph was taken by Larry Knowles for an article for The Naughty American website. (originally posted to Flickr as Porn Set 5) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Lindsay Might* go to Jail

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*By ‘might’ I mean ‘doubtfully’

 

TMZ is reporting that Lindsay Lohan will be charged with lying to police stemming from her car accident back in June in which she told police she wasn’t driving.  Lindsay’s no-good, back-stabbing assistant at the time ratted her out to police and confirmed it was Lindsay who smashed the rental Porshe into the back of a semi. Doesn’t he know his place as obsequious sycophant?

Now you might expect The Vadge to take the easy route here and call Lindsay all the names she deserves to be called, ie. crackhead etc.  but it’s not really fun to hate on somebody who’s already belly-up in a gutter.  Trash-talking Lindsay now is like barfing in a toilet that somebody already took a dump in.

Image: PD

Now is the Time…

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Donald Trump has likened himself to Martin Luther King Jr.  in a post-election Twitter rant calling for a March on Washington in order to take back this country for the one-percent!  Trump pleads that he not be judged by the color of his skin – orange- but by the content of his character – black.

America’s wealthiest citizens will descend upon the Washington Mall demanding lower taxes, private islands and personal slaves for all.  Their march will continue into the suburbs of D.C. where their wallets and jewelry will promptly be taken by the truly disenfranchised.

Image: By Boss Tweed (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons