Kim Kardashian Is Already Giving Up


It’s looking like the last two trimesters of Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy are not going to be easy. First, she can’t get Botox anymore, so I’m guessing her face is probably going to fall off, and second she’s  faced with the herculean task of finding pieces of cloth big enough to cover her all-encompassing ass as the child from The Omen continues to grow inside her putrid womb.

Even though she still has another six months to go, Kim’s pretty much given up trying to be fashionable and has decided to go for comfort instead. She was photographed Saturday (above) wearing Kanye’s clothes and looking a disheveled wreck, then she was spotted wearing this dumpy mess, and then this monstrosity on Live With Kelly and Michael.

No one wants to see the side boob of a pregnant woman, Kim. And you’re never going to score those maternity endorsements looking like you pulled a Scarlett O’Hara and turned your curtains into a dress. Get it together, one pair of Khloe’s underwear should yield enough cloth for a nice frumpy-looking skirt, just be sure to cut out the crotch.


Kim Kardashian is Pregnant, May God Help Us All


I’m still not 100% convinced this isn’t a publicity stunt, but Kanye West implied on stage last night at his concert in Atlantic that Kim Kardashian is pregnant by saying “Can we make some noise for my baby mama, right quick?”

And then the cackling banshees that are Kim’s sisters both confirmed the news on Twitter, (of course.)

From Khloe:  “Keeping secrets is hard with so many family members! Especially when you are so freakin excited”

and from Kourtney: “Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can.”

I guess it makes sense, Kim was probably contractually obligated by E! and Satan to have a baby within six years. Regardless of your beliefs, you should start praying immediately, because if it’s true, this baby is is going to be like the kid from The Omen. A child spawned by fame whores, nurtured in a womb of Botox, and nursed at the teat of reality television. When this thing emerges from Kim’s yawning, cavernous vadge it will be  holding a bottle of amniotic fluid and calling it its first fragrance release. And it will only get worse from there.  Kim will probably auction off her placenta and the baby’s cord blood, then she’ll sell the first screaming, bloody pictures of that devil spawn to People for a couple million.

Image:By Eva Rinaldi  Uploaded by MyCanon (Kim Kardashian) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

Kim Kardashian Has Compromised Kanye West’s Credibility


Above: Kanye West looking stunned after being told his career was found in Kim Kardashian’s vadge.

Kim Kardashian’s vagina is like a black hole, a singularity with so much mass and density that it sucks in and crushes anything that comes too close to its gravitational pull, even light. And Kanye West’s career has passed the Event Horizon and is being sucked in like its caught in the Death Star’s tractor beam.  At least that’s what the New York Daily News is saying, without the cool science analogy. Read on:

 A Confidenti@l that West’s popularity is waning and he has become tainted, with too many appearances on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” pictures in the celebrity weeklies and a girlfriend unwelcome in the world of high fashion.

They said ‘taint.’

Once gracing the pages of VMAN and GQ, his face is now splattered all over whatever Kardashian is promoting.

“His personal life is overpowering his music,” an industry source says. “Every time he plays, people are wondering if Kim is going to be there. It’s not a good thing for him, especially if he wants to be taken seriously.”

In Kanye’s last public appearance he pranced around in one of Kim’s leather skirts. And no, that shit was not a ‘kilt,’ don’t even try to pull that one. I take chlamydia seriously; not Kanye.

In the beginning of their relationship, West tried to put his foot down when it came to appearing on the Kardashian family’s shows. “He made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be on her show, but Kim gets upset so he caves in,” adds the source.

So let this be a lesson to all of you out there: Being around Kim Kardashian will ultimately cause your life to unravel in a death spiral.  Ask her cat.