Monthly Archives: November 2012

Jennifer Lopez Wants Your Job, Not Really

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Vete a la Chingada!

 In all her interviews Jennifer Lopez makes it a point to talk about how nice she is to everyone, and what a warm, matronly person she is. That’s why she makes everyone she works around and has sex with sign a confidentiality agreement; so they don’t expose her for the self-absorbed she-bitch that she truly is.

Case in point, Radar Online is reporting that J-ello recently had a maid at a German hotel fired for daring to ask the superstar for her autograph.

Be kind to your fans Jenny, if it weren’t for them and a few fortuitous blowjobs to some execs at FOX the only thing people would be asking you for is some hot sauce to go with their burrito.

Image: By Ana Carolina Kley Vita from São Paulo, Brasil  Uploaded by MyCanon (Jennifer Lopez) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Britney Spears Learned Something

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Hold the Pulitzer!

 The Hollywood Reporter says Britney Spears is the latest in a string of celebrities that include Snooki and Kim Kardashian who are ‘writing’ books despite barely being able to read. But hey, that’s a minor roadblock, right? Way to overcome adversity,ladies!

After Googling the words ‘book’ and ‘write’ Britney quickly realized this was something she could easily afford to pay some poor ‘writer’ to do, then slap her name on it and watch the checks roll in.  Well Played!

Image: By the12thplaya (Britney Spears) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Kardashians Wage War Over Whorish Make-Up Line

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A 19th century image of a sea troll by Theodore Kittelsen and Khloe Kardahsian; The resemblance is astonishing.

Khloe Wants Nom-Noms!!!!!

   The family that everybody loves to hate is at it again, this time with the excitement of possible trademark litigation! The Kardashians are launching a new makeup line, but TMZ is reporting that their chosen name ‘Khroma,’ has already been taken by not one, but two already existing makeup companies.
My suggestion is that they change the name to ‘Kraken,’ then they can do an awesome ad campaign with Khloe rising out of the ocean to sink ships and eat sailors.Khloe Kardashian Kim Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kris Jenner

Images: PD-US-1923 & By Eva Rinaldi (Khloe Kardashian) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taylor Swift Had a Bad Night

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The Country Music Awards were last night (I know, I don’t care either,) but to sum up everything, Taylor Swift got made fun of, didn’t win any awards, and we’ll all be paying for it when her next album gets released. OMG! reports:

 Co-hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley had a comedy bit focusing on the “Red” singer’s latest breakup — with high-schooler Conor Kennedy…

   Paisley brought up the 22-year-old’s highly-publicized summer romance with Kennedy, 18. “The greatest trade of the year had to be the Kennedy family. They somehow traded Arnold Schwarzenegger for Taylor Swift,” Paisley said. “I mean, what they got for that…”

Underwood quickly interrupted and pretended to whisper to Paisley to fill him in on Swift’s recent breakup. “What? Why don’t I ever hear about these things? I’m the last one to know,” he replied, 
“Are they ever gonna get back together?”

  “Never, never, never, never ever,” shot back Underwood.

The camera didn’t pan to Swift to get her reaction. Presumably because her eyes had rolled into the back of her head in a Carrie-like trance as she mumbled in Latin, willing the doors to slam shut and lock, and the building to catch on fire.

She got dumped by a guy in high school? Really? She must be looking for the kind of unconditional love that only a teen virgin or a puppy can provide.

Image:By Marcin Wichary from San Francisco, U.S.A.  Uploaded by MyCanon (Taylor Swift) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

Jimmy Fallon Talks, No One Listens

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While the East Coast is on lock down due to Hurricane Sandy, Jimmy Fallon stoically carried on and filmed the Late Night show with no audience.  Which answers the age old question:  If Jimmy Fallon is talking, and no one’s around, will he still not be funny?

Kelsey Grammar Parties With His Baby

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Quick, get that baby a drink

 Kelsey Grammar is taking a lot of flack for bringing his infant daughter to a Halloween party at the Playboy mansion. In a photo posted by TMZ the child is shown in a car seat surrounded by plastic cups.

 Give the man a break people! He played a very successful psychiatrist on T.V. for many years, I’m sure he knows what is and isn’t emotionally damaging to a young child. When she’s six and this picture gets out, she’ll be the coolest kid in school!

Justin Bieber is Hard Core

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Its Official: Tattoos Aren’t Cool

Noodle-armed boy-toy Justin Bieber revealed some new ink on Instagram yesterday.  A mother-fucking OWL bitches!!!

“Cuz I’m hard like dat,” said Justin, “and I’m represtin’ Canada, eh?” Aside from several other tattoos, Bieber also has the outline of a small bird tattooed on his left hip.  Is this guy a pop star or an aspiring ornithologist?