Khloe Kardashian Pie-Gate is a Thing

Khloe captioned the original post, "I am sooooo proud of myself lol can I say that??? I filmed on a tripod, in my kitchen a lot of me baking and prepping for today so I will have that up on my app soon!!! I love testing myself and seeing what I can accomplish and actually make successfully! Now let's pray it tastes as great as they look! This monkey bread is going to be so f---ing bomb."

If you ever wanted to know how the Kardashian family has managed to infiltrate every dark, sweaty, lint-filled crevice of the media, look no further than TMZ, and their ground-breaking reporting on  Khloe Kardashian posting pictures of  pies on her Instagram that she claims to have baked,  but closely resembled pies from a popular L.A. bakery. And yes, I am well aware of the irony that while I’m complaining about something so mundane being news, I am nontheless going to waste my time and yours bitching about it being news in the first place. What can I say. it’s trickle down economics.

Note: I know nothing about economics.

So in order to draw attention away from what the history books will describe as ‘pie-gate,’ Khloe went ahead and flashed what may be her labia. Or it may be a a honey-baked ham, it is the holidays. If you’re dying to turn your head ninety degrees, while furrowing your brow and mumbling ‘what the fuck,’ then you can see the picture here. I for one have small children in the house, and when CPS finally comes to investigate, I don’t plan on having pictures like that stored on my computer. Not that there’s any connection between Khloe Kardashian and gross negligence, but it might reflect poorly on my character.

Image: Khloe Kardashian Instagram

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Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum Khloe Pilfers Gold From Cancer Charity

kraken&khloe

Despite making millions of dollars from endorsements, clothing lines, make-up lines and a reality show that for some mind-boggling reason people still watch, members of the Kardashian Klan still find it necessary to steal from charity. Come to think of it, this doesn’t surprise me at all. Radar:

ESPN conducted its “Outside The Lines” investigation of more than a hundred charities attached to top athletes, including (LaMar) Odom… eight years of tax records revealed that his charity, Cathy’s Kids – named in honor his late mother who died of stomach cancer – has not given any money to cancer-related causes since its creation in 2004, despite raising a whopping $2.2 million.

In addition, the investigation says it found the charity primarily existed to finance two elite youth basketball travel teams. Of the $2.2 million raised by the charity, ESPN reports that at least 60 percent — $1.3 million — went to those AAU teams.

Shockingly, the charity paid only one executive — Jerry DeGregorio, Odon’s high school coach and best man in his wedding to Kardashian, says the report…(DeGregorio) was secretary of Cathy’s Kids from 2004 through 2011, for which he was paid a median annual salary of about $72,000, while the charity operated at a loss since its creation.

Why don’t they be honest and say the money is going to support the medical oddity that is Khloe Kardashian?

She’s been selling her used underwear on Ebay for some time now under the auspices that the proceeds are going to charity, of course when you read the fine print it’s only about 5% of the actual sale price. What they’re not telling you is that Khloe needs the $4 she gets from the sale of her ‘ladies’ underwear with the extra fabric in front for her hormone replacement drugs. Shit ain’t cheap.

Khloe Kardashian Nixed From X-Factor; Rampages Set and is Taken Down With Tranquilizers

kraken&khloe

Okay, I made that last part of the headline up, but it’s saying a lot about you’re on-screen persona when Mario Lopez is deemed more likable than you. And so Khloe Kardashian’s nights of terrifying children as co-host of the X-Factor will be drawing to a close. From the NY Post:

The X Factor” won’t be keeping up with Khloe Kardashian anymore.

The towering reality star has not been asked to return as co-host of the high-profile Fox singing competition, sources tell The Post.

“They are asking Mario [Lopez] to come back, but not Khloe,” an insider confirms.

Kardashian, 28, came to the show with no television hosting experience and often appeared nervous and unprepared on camera.

The Huffington Post went so far as to suggest that the “awkward” pair were secretly being paid off by rival singing show “The Voice.”

“I am sure there was a big percentage of Khloe’s fans who followed her to ‘X Factor.’” said LA hosting expert Marki Costello, who has provided on-camera coaching for “Voice” judge Cee Lo Green among others.

“But at the end of the day, when she doesn’t know what she is doing, are you helping your show or hurting it?

“It was really hard for me to watch Mario with her,” she said. “It made me, as a viewer, almost uncomfortable.”

I’m sure what was really making everyone uncomfortable was how Khloe kept telling every contestant that she could “smell their blood”  and demanding the show’s rejects be taken to her dressing room so she could club them and boil their bones.

Kardashians Wage War Over Whorish Make-Up Line

A 19th century image of a sea troll by Theodore Kittelsen and Khloe Kardahsian; The resemblance is astonishing.

Khloe Wants Nom-Noms!!!!!

   The family that everybody loves to hate is at it again, this time with the excitement of possible trademark litigation! The Kardashians are launching a new makeup line, but TMZ is reporting that their chosen name ‘Khroma,’ has already been taken by not one, but two already existing makeup companies.
My suggestion is that they change the name to ‘Kraken,’ then they can do an awesome ad campaign with Khloe rising out of the ocean to sink ships and eat sailors.Khloe Kardashian Kim Kardashian Kourtney Kardashian Kris Jenner

Images: PD-US-1923 & By Eva Rinaldi (Khloe Kardashian) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons