Gerard Butler Clarifies Who Brandi Glanville is: An Easy Fuck

The closest that Brandi Glanville ever came to an actual celebrity was the time she banged Gerard Butler and he had no idea who she was, as evidenced when he asked a paparazzo after the tryst, “who’s Brandi Glanville?” In his defense, when you fuck a stranger in the bathroom at a party, the last thing you’re concerned about exchanging is names. Trust me.

But Gerard Butler is a consummate gentleman, or at least I assume he is with that accent, it’s just so charming! So, he explained to Howard Stern that he wasn’t trying to diss Brandi when he asked who she was, he really didn’t know.

See, Gerard thought he was having anonymous sex with an unfamous person; sex with another famous person (and I’m using that term loosely) would be ‘nonymous,’ and therefore, not as fun.

I think Gerard was also a little put off that Brandi told anyone at all, because you’re supposed to keep that kind of thing hidden inside your closet of shame, along with that time you bought a new vagina with your husband’s credit card after he left you for a skeletonized harpy in a blonde wig.

Brandi Glanville Got a New Vagina

Image

If my husband left me for an emaciated,red-necked troll it would probably bring up some feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Which is probably why after Eddie Cibrian left Brandi Glanville for LeAnn Rimes, Brandi thought her vadge needed a makeover. And also because her old one must have had teeth or emitted some kind of man-repelling odor or something. From Page Six:

Glanville describes in her upcoming book “Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders” that she took revenge on Cibrian over his affair with Rimes by undergoing vaginal rejuvenation surgery. “This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000,” Brandi reveals. “A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina . . . I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor’s office] Eddie’s credit- card number.”

You don’t need to justify yourself to me, Brandi, I’ve had a baby. I have to pick my vadge up off the floor to put on pants

Brandi Glanville Gives Dating Advice

Image

Real Housewife and former model Brandi Glanville’s husband, Eddie Cibrian, left her to be with LeAnn Rimes, who looks like Gollum with a blonde wig. So I’m not sure she’s qualified to give advice on anything, except maybe how to be so insufferable that sex with LeAnn Rimes somehow seems palatable.

But that didn’t stop old Brandi from dishing it out anyways, via Twitter:

“2 drink max on 1st dates,NEVER wear cute chonies esp. If he is super HOT,dont talk about ex’s&be who u r not who u think he wants u2b ;),”

Thanks Brandi, if you had taken the time to actually spell out the words you might have enough for a book. And if you ever take Brandi out on a date, just remember that she’s wearing granny panties.

Image: Twitter_@brandiglanville