I don’t how this has slipped under my radar for the past 14 years, but The Hollywood Reporter says Chris Rock recently settled a lawsuit with a Hungarian Model stemming from an alleged rape back in 1998, and the details are about as confusing and unbelievable as one of Chris Rock’s jokes.

Model Monika Zsibrita (good luck pronouncing that) filed a lawsuit  against Rock under Jane Doe v. John Doe, the two executed a confidentiality agreement to cover up what allegedly happened in a hotel room back in 1998.

According to Zsibrita, Rock attacked her and attempted to force her to perform oral sex on him. A week later, the two went out on another date, and  there allegedly was forced intercourse. Fact: Forcing a woman to give you a blow-job will get you a second date. Try it, it’s true! In the pleadings, Rock denied all allegations of rape and other wrongdoing.

Zsibrita became pregnant and claimed the child was Rock’s, but the paternity test said it wasn’t. During the paternity proceeding, Rock hired the now-imprisoned private investigator, Anthony Pellicano, which is another shit storm in itself, (you can read about that here.)

The confidentiality agreement was compromised however when Rock went on Howard Stern and said that he was scammed, that he forgot to wear a condom, that a Nigerian got (Zsibrita) pregnant and that it was all a setup.  That almost sounds like he was trying to tell a joke.

Zsibirta sued Rock for breach of contract and a whole slew of details from the first lawsuit came out, like that Zsibrita kept a Kleenex tissue of Rock’s sperm in the freezer. Fact: Hungarian bitches are crazy!

And here we are 14 years after the original incident and things have finally been settled ‘amicably,’  it’s like a Christmas miracle. Just goes to show that if you’re crazy enough to try to scam a celebrity into having your baby, you really will get that big pay day; A fraction of what you asked for,14 years later, less taxes and lawyer fees.  Have fun with it Monika, you earned it!

Lindsay Lohan gained a small crumb of respectability when TMZ reported that the blackened, cigarette indent on her cadaver-plumped lip refused to touch the blackened, crack-pipe indent on Charlie Sheen’s papery, dry, bloodless lips during the filming of their cameo on Scary Movie 5.

According to TMZ Lindsay was supposed to kiss Charlie three times during their “Scary Movie” bedroom scene, but she ultimately refused to do it, and they both had to sign a release saying they didn’t have cold sores. (hahahahahahahahahaha!)

The source says they’re not sure what the cause of Lindsay’s paranoia is (bath salts, perhaps?) but it might have to do with Charlie’s sordid past. And even though Lindsay has locked lips with Samantha Ronson’s butthole, she somehow draws the line at Charlie Sheen’s mouth. Charlie Sheen is a professional though, because he wasn’t even bothered by Lindsay’s rejection of his maw. Besides, when it comes to the camera, Lindsay likes to get all hoighty-toighty and act like there’s things she won’t do for a bump of coke. I’ll wager that he still managed to wrangle a rim job out of her back in his trailer because he sent her that $100,000.

Image: By Toglenn Uploaded by MyCanon [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)

This isn’t going to help quell those laxative-abusing drunk rumors, LeAnn. Dlisted

End of times? A Honey Boo Boo porn would indicate ‘yes.’ thesuperficial

Poo-filled sock attacks are on the rise. Huffingtonpost

It’s cruel what Justin Bieber did to that hamster. TMZ

Holly Madison’s baby is destined for great things, like a reality show on E! IDLYITW

Image:By Michael R. Holzworth, U.S. Air Force [Public domain]