Madonna has the dubious distinction of being both the world’s biggest and oldest camel toe. And like any octogenarian whose undies have wedged themselves to deep into her wrinkled labia, she’s a crotchety old bitch, like this video where she’s yelling at her fans at a recent concert in Chile for smoking.

From the mouth of the almighty Madge (that rhymes with vadge.):

“There are people smoking right now, no smoking. If you’re going to smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show. You don’t care about me, I don’t care about you. All right? Are we going to play that game? I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke … You’re looking right at me and smoking cigarettes, like I’m a stupid f—ing idiot.” She then stormed off the stage, prepared herself a nice tincture of laudanum while someone explained to her that people in Chile don’t speak English; she then returned and finished the show.

“People shouldn’t come to concerts if they’re going to let loose and have fun,” Madonna fumed to her assistant later over the salad buffet at Sizzler, she then asked him to come back to her hotel room and show her how to use the remote control.

Image:By Ronald Woan  Uploaded by MyCanon (Madonna) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons