Chris Brown Had a Misunderstanding With Frank Ocean and Worked it Out Like an Adult

Aside

brown ocean

Chris Brown was involved in a round of fistifuffs with Frank Ocean last night outside a recording studio in LA…over a parking space. What I’m getting is that Chris Brown punched a gay guy in the face because he parked in his spot. Sounds about right. From Page Six:

Chris Brown is at it again.

The hotheaded musician is under investigation for assault after brawling with R&B singer Frank Ocean outside of a Los Angeles recording studio Sunday night, officials said.

Witnesses told investigating deputies that the fight was over a parking space – and that Brown threw the first punch.

Those statements conflict with initial reports of the fight, with other witnesses telling TMZ that someone attacked Chris as he tried to shake Ocean’s hand.

Ocean, who cut his finger in the fight, took to Twitter following the melee: “got jumped by chris and a couple guys. lol. i only wish everest was there,” he wrote. Everest is the name of the singer’s Bernese mountain dog.

I just don’t get this, Chris Brown seems like such a nice, mild-mannered young man. Why are people’s faces always getting in the way of his fist?

Image: Cinemantique [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons &

By Eva Rinaldi (Chris Brown) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Liberty Ross is Finally Divorcing Rupert Sanders

512px-Kristen_Stewart_and_Chris_Hemsworth_at_the_SWATH_Premiere

Most Hollywood marriages last about as long as the half-life of chromium, so Liberty Ross filing for divorce from Rupert Sanders shouldn’t raise too many eyebrows. Unless you’re a twelve-year-old girl with a room covered in Tiger Beat pin-ups of Robert Pattinson, in which case you’ll scream “Kristen Stewart is a home-wrecking bitch, why is he with her??!!”

The answer: Poontang

Image: By Eva Rinaldi [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

How Vanessa Minnillo Ruined Nick Lachey’s Life

If you have an aversion to maudlin, sentimental revelations by post-natal women you probably shouldn’t watch the above video where Vanessa Minnillo explains how she revealed to husband Nick Lachey, that she was pregnant with their first child. Especially since she left out the part where Nick puts his face in his hands and starts sobbing uncontrollably saying he’s going to have to get a job now. (See my previous post on the NKOTB reunion tour.)

Oh Nicole Scherzinger, You Tried. You Really Tried

Image

This is why I never walk the red carpet; just when you think you’re looking good, classy even,the flashbulbs start going off and the next thing you know your nipple’s all over the internet.

And not that any of you care since you’re all staring at her chest trying to make out exactly what the hell it is you’re looking at, here’s Nicole’s new music video for “Boomerang.”

Image: Fame/Flynet

Kate Upton’s Superbowl Commercial is a Scantily-Clad Controversy

Image

The overweight,unattractive women at the Parent’s Advisory Council are calling the New Mercedes Benz Superbowl commercial featuring Kate Upton an affront to women’s progress. From The Hollywood Reporter:

“This ad [reinforces] for millions of wives, daughters and sisters across the country that you use your sex appeal to get what you want,” a PTC spokesperson complained to Daily Mail. “If anything, this ad proves that we’ve regressed rather than progressed over the last several years.”

I don’t know if they actually watched the commercial; what’s wrong with a bunch of pubescent boys washing your car for you? It’s not like they were wearing bikinis or anything. Kate needed her car washed, and she found the most economically viable way to get it done: free, by boys who want to ogle her. That’s what I call progress. It’s kind of like how I sit on the couch writing posts while my husband cleans the house, except more cats and I probably have food on my chin.

 

Peter Farrelly is Awesome

Image

Peter Farrelly did an “Ask me anything” session on Reddit today, and what can I say, the man can deliver. I would blow him just for admitting Channing Tatum really is as stupid as he looks.

On getting Richard Gere on board for Movie 43:

Is begging the same as fellating? Because if thats the case, then yes I had to beg Richard Gere.

 

On Finding the perfect fake splooge for There’s Something About Mary

The funny part was when a guy showed up on the set with all different jizz sizes and shapes, to hang on Bens ear. God’s honest truth, that’s somebody’s job. This guy shows up with a briefcase and inside he has about 40 different loads. Each one is a different length and texture, sort of like snow flakes. Only prettier. We laughed our asses off. But I did feel kinda bad that this was the man’s lot in life–to carry a briefcase full of jizzm. By the way that man grew up to be Anderson Cooper.

On working with Bill Murray:

The great talents have moments of darkness- Bill Murray -Jim Carrey etc, but they always seem to take it out on themselves, not other people. Bill did once beat a studio head to death–but to me he’s been a luv.

On Working with Halle Berry:

 I was a little nervous about meeting her because her scene is so outrageous and I was afraid she might get on the set and balk. Not only did she not, but she thought the scene was too soft, and asked us to amp it up a little. We ended up coming up with a couple of things for her to do that weren’t scripted, but were insane. To give you an example the short is about a couple (her and Stephen Merchant) who play Truth or Dare on a first date. Among other things she ended up sticking her bare breast into a bowl of guacamole. She couldn’t have been more fun to work with.

On Dumb and Dumber 2:

Yes. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are in. And there are a couple of other very juicy roles. I love that guy Channing Tatum and would love to get him in there. Also, there’s an excellent role for a young dumb girl. Emma Stone would knock it out of the park.

 

 

Justin Timberlake Releases New Video, Still Sucks

Aside

Justin_Timberlake

Because the whole world has been holding its collective breath and about to pass out in anticipation for any new music from Justin Timberlake, the Original Justin Bieber graced us with a look at his video for “Suit and Tie”, presumably the first single off his up-coming album. Spoiler Alert: It’s embarrassingly bad. Especially when you consider the hype around this thing. I mean the guy made an announcement that he was going to make an announcement to tell us he’s going to have a new album out three months from now.

The things looks like an extended commercial for Brooks Brothers, features product placement from Tom Ford and has the lyrics  bouncing on the screen like some kind of sing-along; except the only people that can sing that high are JT and castrati.

As for the Jay-Z  rap on the track? Let’s just say you know you’ve lost your street credz when you can name drop Tom Ford and Alexander Wang in your rhymes.

Link to video here:http://vevo.ly/W1hnQg I apologize for not being able to embed this but Vevo sucks.

Image:Caroline Bonarde Ucci [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons