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It might be a little premature to name this week’s douche on Wednesday, but Chris Brown never disappoints, and I don’t think anyone is going to top this.

Chris Brown has already proved to us he’s a short-fused woman beater with a violent temper, but he’s also a dirty,filthy liar who faked his court-ordered community service from when he proved his love for Rihanna by punching her in the face. From TMZ:

The L.A. County District Attorney has filed legal documents claiming Chris Brown has violated his probation by submitting bogus community service records  … claiming in one case he swore he was picking up trash in Virginia when he was actually on a PRIVATE JET TO CANCUN …TMZ has learned…

Bryan T. Norwood, the Chief of Police in Richmond, VA., wrote a letter to the judge on September 14, claiming Brown successfully completed 202 days of community service — he was only required to perform 180.

Norwood attached documents showing that Brown frequently worked at Tappahannock Children’s Center — a place where Brown’s mom was once a director — and did odd jobs such as painting, washing windows, waxing floors, cutting grass and picking up trash.

According to legal docs obtained by TMZ … the Richmond P.D. admits they only supervised Brown on 9 or 10 occasions and on all other dates he was not supervised by anyone.

And get this … the detective who had been assigned to oversee Brown’s community service was told she did not have to continue monitoring at the Children’s Center.  The times, location and types of duty were provided by Chris Brown’s mother.
The D.A. claims Chris and the Chief of Police had a prior relationship.

And there’s more.  According to the docs, Chris’ lawyer, Mark Geragos, “instructed” the lawyer for the Richmond P.D. on how to “handle” D.A. investigators’ questions about Chris’ community service.

And Geragos told the probation officer there was a court order that Chris’ community service be removed from the probation department and given to the police chief.  Fact is … there was no such court order…

And there’s more …  the Administrator of the Children’s Center allegedly tried coaching the floor waxing guy on what to say to D.A. investigators, but he refused to lie and in fact had already told investigators he was the only one who waxed the floors for the past 3 years.  Chris claimed in docs he waxed the floors on some occasions.

The judge was suspicious when the community service documents were filed, and sources tell us the D.A. began investigating and found no “credible, competent or verifiable evidence” that Brown did the 180 days community service.

Sources tell TMZ … there’s no way Chris could have performed community service on some of the days, because he was out of the country doing concerts.

The D.A. calls Chris’ documentation “at best sloppy … and at worst fraudulent reporting.”

And there’s more …  the Administrator of the Children’s Center allegedly tried coaching the floor waxing guy on what to say to D.A. investigators, but he refused to lie and in fact had already told investigators he was the only one who waxed the floors for the past 3 years.  Chris claimed in docs he waxed the floors on some occasions.

The judge was suspicious when the community service documents were filed, and sources tell us the D.A. began investigating and found no “credible, competent or verifiable evidence” that Brown did the 180 days community service.

Sources tell TMZ … there’s no way Chris could have performed community service on some of the days, because he was out of the country doing concerts.

The D.A. calls Chris’ documentation “at best sloppy … and at worst fraudulent reporting.”

Using your mom’s connections to get out of doing any actually work is pretty bad. Asking the janitor  to cover for your lazy ass is even worse; did he at least try to to  slip the guy a $20 for his troubles? He probably thought the janitor would be happy to risk his job to lie for a celebrity like Chris Brown!

And Christ, if you’re gonna lie at least be modest, and smart about it. He added an extra 22 days over the required amount of service! I bet he thought that made him look really contrite. He couldn’t even bother to look at the days and make sure he was in the fucking country on days he was claiming to be picking up trash!

But wait, it gets worse! Because Chris Brown is actually the victim in all this. Yes! Last night he took to Instagram to write this piece of word vomit:

“Im a human being and I honestly think I deserve respect Im sick of being accused … Im tired yall Just don’t understand Ive been going through this sh*t since I was 19 years old .. You cant sit here and tell me to calm down, when am I gonna get a positive outcome out of anything I do?”

“Im not gonna sit here and play victim, Im just tired of this sh*t … I pray every day and night for a new outcome … and just when everything seems to be going good some new sh*t happens.”
I’m confused. Is Chris Brown the fourth member of Pussy Riot? Is he Julian Assange? Or Jesus? Wait, nevermind. What I’m saying is Chris is an entitled, spoiled, world-famous millionaire, who thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants and when anyone tries to call him out on it or impose consequences for his actions he falls back on the whole “I’m being persecuted for who I am” card…like a little bitch.

Chris Brown Had a Misunderstanding With Frank Ocean and Worked it Out Like an Adult

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Chris Brown was involved in a round of fistifuffs with Frank Ocean last night outside a recording studio in LA…over a parking space. What I’m getting is that Chris Brown punched a gay guy in the face because he parked in his spot. Sounds about right. From Page Six:

Chris Brown is at it again.

The hotheaded musician is under investigation for assault after brawling with R&B singer Frank Ocean outside of a Los Angeles recording studio Sunday night, officials said.

Witnesses told investigating deputies that the fight was over a parking space – and that Brown threw the first punch.

Those statements conflict with initial reports of the fight, with other witnesses telling TMZ that someone attacked Chris as he tried to shake Ocean’s hand.

Ocean, who cut his finger in the fight, took to Twitter following the melee: “got jumped by chris and a couple guys. lol. i only wish everest was there,” he wrote. Everest is the name of the singer’s Bernese mountain dog.

I just don’t get this, Chris Brown seems like such a nice, mild-mannered young man. Why are people’s faces always getting in the way of his fist?

Image: Cinemantique [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons &

By Eva Rinaldi (Chris Brown) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons