Lady Gaga Sounds Like a Nice Person to Work For

Aside

Lady_Gaga_The_Edge_of_Glory_GMA2

There are a few jobs in the world that I could never, ever be convinced to take, even for a kitten that shit diamonds and coughed up gold coins. Those jobs include Jessica Simpson’s on-call chef, Kim Jong-Un’s accountant or California State Senator of the 35th District, because fuck the 35th!

Also on that list is personal assistant to Lady Gaga. Because despite all of Gaga’s high-minded talk about making a ‘kinder, braver world,’ when it comes down to it she’s really just a mean-spirited harpy, as evidenced by her recent deposition involving a lawsuit against the singer by her former personal assistant for unpaid overtime wages. From the New York Post:

Lady Gaga unloaded on a former personal assistant who’s suing her for overtime pay — blasting the woman in a sworn deposition as a “f–king hood rat who is suing me for money that she didn’t earn.”

“She’s just — she thinks she’s just like the queen of the universe,” Gaga ranted, court records obtained by The Post show.

“And, you know what, she didn’t want to be a slave to one, because in my work and what I do, I’m the queen of the universe every day…”

The “Born This Way” singer couldn’t maintain her poker face, either, shooting a nasty aside at ex-aide Jennifer O’Neill near the start of Gaga’s marathon, six-hour testimony in a Midtown Manhattan law office.

“Are you going to stare at me like a witch this whole time — honestly?” Gaga asked.

“Because this is going to be a long f–k ng day that you brought me here…

During her videotaped Aug. 6 deposition, Gaga said none of her employees get paid overtime, adding that O’Neill “knew exactly what she was getting into, and she knew there was no overtime, and I never paid her overtime the first time I hired her, so why would she be paid overtime the second time?”

“This whole case is bulls–t, and you know it,” she added.

But under questioning, she conceded her decision not to pay overtime wasn’t based on labor laws, but is “actually based on a bubbly, good heart.”

“I’m quite wonderful to everybody that works for me, and I am completely aghast to what a disgusting human being that you have become to sue me like this,” she said.

“Because she slept in Egyptian cotton sheets every night, in five-star hotels, on private planes, eating caviar, partying with [photographer] Terry Richardson all night, wearing my clothes, asking YSL [Yves Saint Laurent] to send her free shoes without my permission, using my YSL discount without my permission.”

Gaga said O’Neill’s job, which paid $75,000 a year, “was essentially a favor, and Jennifer was majorly unqualified for it.”

“I expect there to be a certain level of, like, you know, knowledge and academia about, like, your job,” she said.”

$75,000 a year to be responsible for tucking and taping that queen’s dick between her legs and  listen to that!  It wouldn’t even come close to paying for the years of counseling you would need to ever become sexually aroused again. I’d rather be Phil Spector’s personal assistant.

Image:By TJ Sengel (Lady GAGA, GMA Concert, Lady GAGA GMA Concert) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Lady Gaga Has No Sense of Humor*

Sharon_Osbourne_and_Kelly_Osbourne

* There’s a lot of other words that could have been thrown in there: talent, vagina, humility, dignity, personal attractiveness, etc.

If you like to keep up with trite celebrity feuds that consists of a lot of open letters and posturing with none of the stuff we actually want to see  (bikini-clad fights to the death in a pool of Jello) then you might have heard that Lady Gaga has a problem with Kelly Osbourne and her hard-hitting, insightful, Peabody nominated work  on Fashion Police.  In an open letter posted to her website,  Gaga opens with this self-righteous tirade:

Everyday, through my music and public voice I choose to be positive and work towards a kinder and braver world with our community of followers. I encourage them to ignore criticism, stand up to bullies, know their own value and see that we are all the same and no one person is worth more than another. I know I’m perceived as a wild child, but in reality I am woman that deeply cares for humanity. I have empathy for you Kelly, but I feel it culturally important to note that you have chosen a less compassionate path.

“Chosen a less compassionate path?” Move over Jesus, and get a stylist,  because the lost and downtrodden have a  new savior, and this bitch wears designer labels; your sandals and seamless robe ain’t gonna cut it anymore.

Aside from that, does anything having to do with Kelly Osbourne “culturally important”?  If I took a dump that looked like Kate Middleton it would have more cultural importance than Kelly Osbourne, it might even get its own reality show.

Gaga goes on to say Kelly and Fashion Police Breeds negativity and hate, and that it’s not funny. No arguments on that last one. Of course,  Crazy ass Sharon Osbourne wasn’t going to let anyone criticize her pudgy, ugly daughter and fired back in another open letter on Facebook calling Gaga a hypocrite:

“By your actions to Kelly right now, you have shown me that you are nothing more than a publicly seeking hypocrite,” Sharon wrote.

“You know it would have been much more dignified of you to do this privately. I am calling you a bully because you have 32 million followers hanging on your every word and you are criticizing Kelly in your open letter,” she said.

I don’t want to defend the Osbournes, they’re a couple of cackling, cockneye hags and Kelly looks like she has a serious case of  macrognathia, but does Lady Gaga  really think Fashion Police and Kelly are so mean spirited and negative that it deserves to be called out? They’re talking about clothes for fuck’s sake, and the insults are  pretty tame. Has Lady Gaga even been on the internet lately? Because everyone on here has been calling her a dude for the last two years.

Image:By JJ Duncan (Flickr: Sharon Osbourne and Kelly Osbourne) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Lady GaGa Offers Counseling to People Who Listen to Her Music

Image

Lady GaGa announced that she will be offering free counseling sessions before her Born This Way Ball to any concert-goers who wish to receive treatment.  The counseling sessions will take place aboard the Born Brave bus; yeah, you read that right, a bus.

This really raises a lot of questions. Like, why do people attending your concert need to see a counselor? Do you really think anyone with actual psychological problems will be able to get meaningful help inside of a bus, immediately before they drop some X, get drunk on $12 beer, and dance themselves into a stupor while listening to your clichéd music? And finally, shouldn’t you be offering them counseling after the concert when they realize they spent $100 to watch a transvestite sing Madonna songs?

Image:By Artpop Gaga (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons