“Are Those Children Available to Eat?”

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File:Jennifer Lopez 2012 (Headshot).jpg

As much as Jennifer Lopez likes to pretend that she’s a real down-to-earth, icon of altruism,  occasionally a report gets out that show she’s really a demanding harpy whose ass consumes more calories daily than your typical African child. Like this report from the New York Post saying J-ello was in talks to perform in the opening ceremonies of India’s premier cricket league, an event that typically draws in 60 million viewers, but the deal fell apart over her outrageous demands.

Via Page Six:

Sources tell us the pampered pop princess’ manager,Benny Medina, had asked that a private plane be made available for her, along with numerous hotel rooms to house her huge entourage, which included an army of stylists, assistants and a personal chef.

Officials at the Pepsi IPL balked at their demands and instead booked rapper Pitbull for the opening ceremony, next Tuesday, which will also feature some of Bollywood’s biggest stars.

Great move demanding a private jet from a country whose per capita income is $3,500 with over 40% of its population living below the international poverty line of $1.25 a day. Personally I can’t even see J-ello stepping foot in a country like India,  all those dirty, barefoot children running around must be a real joykill. Plus, her ass is about two feet wider than the typical Indian car.

Tom Sorensen [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Jennifer Lopez’ Doesn’t Really Look Like This

Image Jennifer Lopez is on the cover of next week’s issue of People proclaiming loudly that she has no regrets about being a supercilious cunt who thinks she’s too good to talk to the ‘help.’

What she does have regrets about is this magazine cover, because according to Page Six J-ello and her people think the cover photo makes her look “old and haggard” and reached out to People about it, but the photo stayed.

I’m going to cut J-ello a break, she might look like the cover model on a box of Depends but she doesn’t exactly looks haggard. At least she was able to force a real smile out of  her permanently grimaced mouth. Maybe it’s because she just crapped her pants and nobody knows it but her.