Rob Kardashian Doesn’t Want People Staring at His Breasts

File:Rob Kardashian, on an award show,jpg.jpg

The only reason anyone cares about Rob Kardashian or what he does is because one time his sister filmed herself having sex with the brother of an actual celebrity. Still Following?

Despite this, Rob still thinks it’s important to maintain some kind of positive public image. So when a female photographer photographed him with his shirt off yesterday, Rob manhandled her and stole the memory card out of her camera, because the lighting was bad and he didn’t have the right make-up on and she wasn’t using the most flattering filter. No, really it’s because he’s fat and he didn’t want images of his burgeoning gut and jiggling titties posted all over the internet. If only Kim has those kind of standards.


Rita Ora’s Vengeance on Rob Kardashian


Above: Rob Kardashian sporitng a nasty cold sore that closely resembles Rita Ora.

Rob Kardashian has been dating Rita Ora; The incredibly talented British singer who was discovered by Jay-Z and has had three number one hits in the U.K. off her premiere album alone.

Rita’s way too good for Rob, and I guess she knew that too, because he’s saying on Twitter that she slept with twenty other men while they were an item.

I don’t know anything about you Rob, except that you’re a Kardashian, so I’m assuming you’re a real blow-hard. I’m going to try to phrase this in a way that will make sense:

Rita is about to blow-up. She is poised to become HUGE, like Rihanna huge! She can sleep with whoever she wants.

You Rob, on the other hand, are like a pimple orbiting on the outer-most reaches of the black-hole like anus that is celebrity. You’re not even related to a real celebrity.  You’re Kim Kardashian’s brother, who made a porno with Ray-J, who wouldn’t be famous either if it weren’t for his sister Brandy.

So Kim got famous bumping uglies with the sibling of a real celebrity, and somehow now you, and all her other talentless, witless ilk are famous too. If you got Rita’s herpes it would be your biggest brush with celebrity to date.