George Clooney and Stacy Keibler Split; No Eyebrows Raised

File:George Clooney @ 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards.jpg

Not that anyone should be surprised, since any woman he dates has a two-year expiration date that ends at the first mention of the word ‘biological clock,’ George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have finally split. Which means an army of obscure actresses and models are bleaching their buttholes and dusting off their red carpet attire in the hopes that George will choose them to have sex with and be photographed before unceremoniously dumping them at the first sign of a crow’s foot.

George is always classy enough to allow the woman he was dating to save face and tell the tabloids that she broke with him, which is a far cry from George waking up in the middle of the night to find Stacy hovered over his testicles with a web page open on how to perform a reverse vasectomy.

But not to worry Stacy, George offers a lovely severance package, that for his last girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis included a house in Italy. Of course, Elizabetta went on to date Steve-O after that, so forget about that, just think about the house. The only thing I get when I break up with a guy is a restraining order and a prescription for penicillin.

Image: via wikipedia commones

Stacy Keibler’s Barely Hanging On


One day it’s champagne with George Clooney at his Lake Como estate in Italy, the next it’s beer pong with Michael Phelps at a dive bar in Mexico.  I couldn’t think of two more disparate scenarios, but that seems to be the situation Stacy Keibler’s in when she tweeted this picture with the caption “Dominating. #TeamBaltimore #geometry m_phelps00 #goodtimes.”Saturday night from Cabo San Lucas where she was hanging out with the slack-jawed Olympic swimmer.

To be fair, George Clooney is in Mexico with her, and a few other B-celebrities, but I can’t see this lasting much longer.  George is classy, I can’t see him wanting to spend New Years with the likes of Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Aniston and that guy she’s playing beard to, Jennifer’s probably asking him every twenty minutes if Brad ever talks about her.

My guess is he’s trying to let her down gently. “See,” he’ll say, ” you don’t need a private jet and the Oscars to be happy, you just need a Mexican resort and beer pong.” This is the writing on the wall Stacy, you’re days are numbered. 2013 is going to see you and Michael Phelps in a sports themed reality show that will likely involve Jello wrestling.

Image: Instagram_@stacykeibler