Halle Berry Married That Crazy Guy, Oh Good

File:Halle Berry 2013.jpg

A pregnant Halle Berry secretly got married in France over the week to boyfriend Olivier Martinez, the man who beat the living crap out of her daughter Nahla’s father on their front lawn last Thanksgiving. I’m sure because he’s French, Olivier thought “Thanksgiving” meant black eyes and broken teeth on the driveway. It’s practically a tradition in some households. This will be Halle’s third marriage so she’s knows by now what works and what doesn’t, like pairing a hot-tempered, violent foreigner with an accusatory, self-centered celebrity. They were practically made for each other.


Image:By Jenn Deering Davis  Uploaded by MyCanon (Halle Berry) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Halle Berry Will Have Another Baby Daddy to Fight With Soon

File:Halle Berry 2013.jpgHalle Berry announced Friday that she’s pregnant with fiancé  Olivier Martinez’ child, proving that today’s active seniors are capable of leading rich, fulfilling lives by doing things like driving cars, fighting with young people on their front porches and defying medical logic by conceiving at the age of 46.

I make fun of Halle about being too old to have a baby, but to be fair she still looks ten years younger than Lindsay Lohan, who looks twenty years older than she actually is. Factor in that she’s had the same haircut since 1998 and black people age tremendously better than white people and Halle Berry is actually about 28 which means she’s in peak reproduction mode. So congratulations, I’m sure this will work out well.

Image: Jenn Deering Davis via Creative Commons