Some Old Slut Had Sex With the Pink Panther

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If the above picture of Robert DeNiro didn’t cause a veritable tsunami in your panties, there’s gotta be something wrong with you, but don’t worry I can fix that. From Page Six:

Carole Mallory, the actress and model who wrote “Loving Mailer” about her eight-year affair with Norman Mailer, has penned another book about her exploits with famous men…

Mallory, who starred in “The Stepford Wives,” met De Niro in 1975 at the Chateau Marmont, and the pair had a 14-day affair. “During lovemaking, he never stopped looking in my eyes,” she writes. She continues, “He had a butterfly tattoo that I later realized matched his flighty spirit. So did the fact he left his socks on.” She added, “The following year he married Diahnne Abbott. . . . I would have appreciated a phone call.”

Still nothing? Don’t worry, Michael Corleone’s stark white legs contrasted against his black socks and nude body will seem like The Divine Creation as you try to get this next image out of your head.

Of Mallory’s romance with “Pink Panther” star Sellers… “I kissed him all over his hairy body. He had hair everywhere. He even had it on his back. I liked it. He reminded me of a giant panda bear.”

FYI, I love Peter Sellers and would still jump on that regardless of that account. And finally, if you ever have a chance to bang Richard Gere, do it.

Mallory, 71, who now teaches writing at Rosemont College and Temple University in Philly, breathlessly describes a one-night stand with Gere in the late ’70s: “His gymnastic skills were apparent. He made love his way . . . He didn’t withhold. He was Valentino in the flesh. A sex symbol not to be forgotten. Not to be lumped in with all the others, but to be remembered for his uniqueness. His thoughtfulness. His caring.”

I can’t think of a better way to start my morning than to hear an old woman’s detailed sexual exploits. It really gets my bowels moving. You’re Welcome.