Melissa Ehteridge Doesn’t Approve of Angelina Jolie’s New Tits


Lesbian rocker and qualified medical professional, Melissa Etheridge.

Because she’s had one song I can actually name and Lesbian Rock went out in the 90’s along with Lilith Fair, Melissa Etheridge needed to wade into the pool of relevancy by talking about the most important and hard-hitting piece of news this year: NSA wiretapping, Syrian civil war, Angelina Jolie’s tits.

While everyone else has fawned over Angelina’s decision to cut off the breasts that have nursed a million starving children and replace them with a pert new pair because of some shit about cancer or something, Melissa wants the world to know that she thinks Angelina’s a coward, a dirty, low-down, yellow-bellied coward for taking a preventive measure against a life-threatening disease. Yeah, put down that cup of antioxidant-rich green tea, fucking pussy:

“I wouldn’t call it the brave choice,” said Etheridge via the NYDN. “I actually think it’s the most fearful choice you can make when confronting anything with cancer.”
“My belief is that cancer comes from inside you and so much of it has to do with the environment of your body. It’s the stress that will turn that gene on or not,” Etheridge continued. “Plenty of people have the gene mutation and everything, but it never comes to cancer. So I would say to anybody faced with that, that choice is way down the line on the spectrum of what you can do and to really consider the advancements we’ve made in things like nutrition and stress levels.”

“I’ve been cancer-free for nine years now, and looking back, I completely understand why I got cancer,” Etheridge added. “There was so much acidity in everything. I really encourage people to go a lot longer and further before coming to that conclusion.”

So in retrospect, Melissa knows if she had just eaten better and not been so stressed out from all the muff-diving she did during the free-wheelin 90’s, she never would have gotten cancer in the first place. Now after extensive chemotherapy she doesn’t have cancer anymore. So see? She was right. It’s science people.

Image:Angela George [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons