Tag Archives: Jessica Simpson Vadge

Jessica Simpson Will Play Jessica Simpson on NBC Sitcom

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NBC hasn’t had a hit in prime time since the 90’s, and it’s because their executives think shit like this is a good idea.  According to the Hollywood Reporter, Jessica Simpson will play herself in a semi-autobiographical sitcom on the network. This will be Simpson’s second attempt at scripted comedy. In 2004, ABC ordered a pilot titled Jessica, which starred Simpson as a pop star-turned-TV news anchor, but it was not picked up to series. And who can forget the deep-fried train wreck that was MTV’S Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica? 

If this is going to be based on Jessica’s life, I expect to see enormous fluctuations in weight, a daily home delivery from Frito-Lay, (product placement!) a talentless but still desperate to be famous sister played by Verne Troyer; and Jessica’s recently outed homosexual father can be played by Jane Lynch. I love her! The running gag on the show will be that Jessica is ALWAYS pregnant.

Image: Twitter_@jessicasimpson

Baby #2 and an Extra 200 lbs. for Jessica Simpson

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ImageDespite her gaining 200 lbs and being forced to wear circus tents after her first pregnancy, Jessica Simpson’s husband still found her attractive enough to maintain an erection.  Because he climbed that heifer, closed his eyes, and hung on for the eight-second-ride while imagining the Jessica Simpson of Dukes of Hazard. And now Jessica has confirmed what everyone else already guessed when she tweeted this picture.  

I’m assuming this means she’s pregnant again. That or they realized Maxwell’s going to be a big girl like her mom and attend one of those churches where the women all call each other sister. Let’s go Occam’s Razor here and say Jessica’s Pregnant.  Which is great news if you own stock in whatever company it is that makes Pop Tarts.

Image: Twitter_@jessicasimpson