Above: Jennifer Aniston looking as natural as a man receiving a blow job from a baby harp seal.

In a recent interview with New York Magazine, Jennifer Aniston recounted the most horrible, gut-wrenching experience of her life: When Brad dumped her for Angelina The time she ate at McDonalds. And Jen’s body reacted to the greasy food of the masses like any digestive system that subsists solely on the evaporated tears of starving children would react: Poorly, and with a lot of diarrhea I’m guessing.

 I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry. The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system. I am always trying to eat organic and natural foods, so that just made my stomach turn and made me feel terrible.

Go back in exile to your self-sustaining, Adirondack retreat Gwyneth, there’s a new out-of-touch, supercilious bitch in town! Forget that I can eat an entire meal at Mc Donald’s for less than $4, while organic, free-range, grass-fed beef will set me back $19.99 a pound at Whole Foods. Forget that many Americans can’t afford to buy fresh produce, let alone organic, yet over-processed, high-fructose corn syrup filled food is subsidized by the government. Did this bitch really just call her self a ‘purified system’? Because I’m pretty sure  44-year-old body being kept youthful by the good graces of plastic surgery, botox and millions of dollar’s worth of fetal stem cells and God knows what else is a far cry from being ‘purified’ no matter how much organic, flax dust she inhales for lunch.

Image:gdcgraphics via Wikipedia Commons