Lindsay Has Outsmarted Us All

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I imagined Lindsay and Mark Heller laughing diabolically at this scheme, because they’re both stupid enough to think this will work.

Last Monday, Lindsay Lohan finally had her day in court, where she folded like one of her assistants, and quickly took a plea deal for lock-down rehab despite saying for weeks that she wouldn’t take a plea deal that involved rehab because, wait for it, Lindsay doesn’t have a substance abuse problem!

So Lindsay finally gave in to rehab, but really, it was all part of her and her lawyer Mark Heller’s genius, James-Bond-Villain-esque scheme to get Lindsay sentenced to a facility that doesn’t exist. From TMZ:

…There appear to be no non-jail rehab facilities that will keep patients in against their will — anywhere in the U.S.. Sources connected with the case tell TMZ … Lindsay’s lawyer, Mark Heller, represented to prosecutors he could get his client into a 90-day lockdown rehab center in NYC. As we reported, there are no private NY rehab centers that keep patients against their will, except for one connected with the prison system, and you have to have a felony record to get in — and Lindsay doesn’t. We also checked to see if Lindsay could complete her 90-day lockdown rehab in CA, but there isn’t a single non-jail lockdown rehab facility in the State. 

Before Lindsay enters her non-existent rehab facility, she’ll be flying to Brazil where she’ll be paid six figures to do a promotional appearance for a clothing line. Which sounds fishy because why would anyone pay a drunken leprechaun to douse their clothes in vodka and then accidentally light them on fire with a cigarette?

This all seems like an even bigger ruse to get Lindsay out of the country before her sentence begins so she can live out the rest of her days in South American exile preforming donkey shows and smoking cigarettes with her vadge.

Image:Fame/Flyney

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