Carly Rae Jepsen Won’t Perform For Horny, Young Boy Scouts

File:Carly Rae Jepsen - Walmart Soundcheck October 2012 - BTS.jpg

I don’t care what anybody says, Carly Rae Jepsen looks like she used to work the day shift at Little Darlings in Omaha, Nebraska. So she must have blown Satan himself to score her fifteen minutes of fame, which she quickly used up annoying the fuck out of everybody with “Call Me Maybe”. Now she’s headlining high-paying gigs like the Boy Scouts of America National Jamboree this July in Mount Hope, West Virginia. Except she’s not, because Carly Rae realized after booking the gig that she actually stands for something or has morals or some shit like that.

“As an artist who believes in equality for all people, I will not be participating in the Boy Scouts of America Jamboree this summer,” Jepsen tweeted. I can find at least one thing wrong with that sentence (hint: It’s the word artist)

I understand her reasoning behind this decision, but she’s really taking it out on the wrong people. Think how disappointed all those closeted young boy scouts will be when they find out they’re not going to be shaking and grinding in their short shorts to Carly’s infectious pop tunes this Summer. They’re the real victims here.

Image:By Lunchbox LP from Culver City, CA, USA [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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