Another day another awards show. Last night it was the Golden Globes, where achievement in both television and film is recognized, so pretty much every celebrity you could think of was there. Even Nicole Richie, whose neck looked ten years older than her face.
Wanna know who wasn’t there? Lindsay Lohan. Yes, the cinematic masterpiece that was Liz & Dick wasn’t nominated for a Golden Globe, so she live tweeted the show holed up in a hotel room with an eight ball and a bottle of Poplov.
I hate awards shows so let’s just get through the highlights:
Jodie Foster kind of, sort of came out of the closet while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award. For some reason everybody thought it was very surprising that a Hollywood actress who dresses butch and shacked up with another woman for years while having kids together is a lesbian. You mean all that sexual tension with Mel Gibson in Maverick was fake?
Stacy Keibler arrived with George Clooney looking like she didn’t even bother to wash her hair. She must be depressed, I’d be too if I had the Damacle’s Sword of being known to posterity as ‘that one girl dumped by George Clooney’ hanging over my head.
Anne Hathaway is on the right road to Oscar success picking up a Best Supporting Actress last night. “Thank you for this lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self-doubt,” Hathaway said, holding her trophy. Does this bitch ever stop feeling sorry for herself?
Jennifer Lawrence looked great and won Best Actress for Silver Linings Playbook.
What else, Ben Affleck won Best Director for Argo, but he wasn’t even nominated for the Oscars, I’m not sure what that means. It’s almost as if the Golden Globes are a superfluous awards show handing out conciliatory prizes to those who couldn’t make the cut. Speaking of Ben Affleck, why does Jennifer Garner look like this now?
And best performance of the evening goes to Sacha Baron Cohen for using his minute on stage to make fun of the Hollywood elite who take themselves way too seriously, ie. Daniel Day Lewis
You can view a complete list of winners here.