Hugh Hefner & Crystal Harris are Getting Married…For Real This Time!


 Update: The couple went through with their New Years nuptials (how alliterative) and are officially husband and wife,  Crystal better get used to the sight if a colostomy bag.

Hugh Hefner must be suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease because he’s engaged to Crystal Harris, again. The same Crystal Harris Hef was going to marry last year, who dumped him five days before the planned wedding, dropped a presumably horrible album, tried to get her own reality show, and sold her $90K engagement ring at auction for $38k.

Sources tell TMZ that Harris feels the time she spent apart from Hef really taught her how to be independent and stand on her own two feet.  I’m going to presume that she meant knees here. ‘Stand on her knees,’ makes a lot more sense.

The only reason anyone found Crystal interesting was because she was banging an octogenarian, and once that was over she didn’t really have a whole lot to offer (Courtney Stodden, take note).  So in an effort to claw her way back from obscurity, she’s engaged to marry Hef.  Again! On New Year’s Eve! OMG how romantic!

I’ve always thought Hugh Hefner was a somewhat intelligent person and I’m going to presume this is all happening because he’s senile and doesn’t realize that she’s the same person.  After all, there’s a lot of women hanging out at the Playboy Mansion who fit Crystal’s profile.

By Luke Ford [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (, via Wikimedia Commons

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s