I take that back, nothing’s worse than fondling you sister’s while they’re asleep, but this is a close second, and maybe the final blow that will make the Duggar family go all Jonestown like everyone’s been hoping for since their affront to nature of a family appeared on television. No? I guess it just’s me; those kids make me sick, especially the little ones. I digress. I was so busy searching for my own husband’s name amongst the leaked Ashley Madison names I failed to notice the world’s best big brother, Josh Duggar, was busted in the hack. But the good people at Gawker did, and we have them to thank for this sweet, sweet piece of irony:
In 2013, conservative reality TV star Josh Duggar—of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting fame—was named the executive director of the Family Research Council, a conservative lobbying group in D.C. which seeks “to champion marriage and family as the foundation of civilization, the seedbed of virtue, and the wellspring of society.” During that time, he also maintained a paid account on Ashley Madison, a web site created for the express purpose of cheating on your spouse… Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary—a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to her first child—paid a total of $986.76 for two different monthly Ashley Madison subscriptions from February of 2013 until May of 2015.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! This almost makes up for the fact that my husband is cheating on me. Now what, you ask, would a chubby, creepy, man-boy pervert be seeking for a sexual partner outside the sanctity of marriage? Turns out, just about anything:
“A Professional/Well Groomed,” “Stylish/Classy,” “Casual Jeans/T-shirt Type,” “Muscular/Fit Body,” “Petite Figure,” “Tall Height,” “Short Height,” “Long Hair,””Short Hair,” “Girl Next Door,” “Naughty Girl,” “Sense of Humor,” “Imagination,” “Creative and Adventurous,” “Relaxed and Easy Going,” “Aggressive/Take Charge Nature,” “Confidence,” “Discretion/Secrecy,” “A Good Listener,” “Good Personal Hygiene,” “Average Sex Drive,” “High Sex Drive,” “Dislikes Routine,” “Has a Secret Love Nest,” “Disease Free,” “Drug Free,” and “Natural Breasts.”
He pretty much just checked every box they had. I’m surprised ‘hole’ isn’t on that list.
“But make sure it’s a lady hole. I ain’t no queer.”