Might Still be Eligible as Hillary Clinton’s Running Mate

When I first heard video had surfaced of Ariana Grande ‘licking’ a ‘donut’ I thought it was a euphemism for something far less disgusting than her literally licking a donut inside a Lake Elsinore donut shop.  But alas, somehow an entitled, wealthy, recording star in her early 20’s somehow forgot we live in an age where everything is recorded and that even the most innocuous videos will live on the internet forever; and even though I’m pretty sure at one point she looks directly at the camera,  she adds that she hates America to boot!  Gotta love the young folks!

Don’t worry, it’s not what it looks like! She just didn’t know she was being filmed. She doesn’t hate America, just fat Americans! Which is pretty much all of us.

“I am extremely proud to be an American and I’ve always made it clear that I love my country. What I said in a private moment with my friend Ryann, who was buying the donuts, was taken out of context and I am sorry for not using more discretion with my choice of words.

“As an advocate for healthy eating, food is very important to me and I sometimes get upset by how freely we as Americans eat and consume things without giving any thought to the consequences that it has on our health and society as a whole. The fact that the United States has the highest child obesity rate in the world frustrates me…. However I should have known better in how I expressed myself; and with my new responsibility to others as a public figure I will strive to be better.”

First of all bitch, WRONG, Greece has the World’s highest child obesity rate, though something tells me not for long, hello austerity measures! If you’re going to have your publicist write an apology at least have them check the facts. Second,  you’re complaining about how freely American’s consume things without thought of consequence? You licked food that other people are going to eat, how’s that for  public health? The guy in the bandana you were making out with looks like a walking ad for Valtrex. I’m sure nobody ever thought they could catch herpes from eating a donut, but hey, this is America, anything’s possible, even Adriana Grande being famous.