Supreme Court Declares I Can Eat Chick-Fil-A Without the Side of Guilt

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Now that the Supreme Court has declared gay marriage legal, I can finally eat at Chick-Fil-A without feeling like I’m being false to my personal beliefs. I would  like to make it clear that I still ate at Chick-Fil-A before this week’s ruling; My convictions aren’t strong enough to overcome convenience and a desire for fried foods, but for the record, I always felt bad about it. And fuck, I already look like shit, do I have to feel like shit too? Why do I have to feel bad about everything all the time? Can’t I just live  my life?

Sure, giving money to a corporation that could in turn use that money to support groups that want to deny gay people what I feel is a basic right is morally conflicting, but oh my God, have you ever had their Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich? And waffle fries, they have waffle fries! And all those sauces! I dare a gay person to dip a waffle fry into some Chick-Fil-A sauce and tell me how they feel about ‘personal freedom.’ Don’t judge me! I’m a mom, and they have a playground for fuck’s sake!

Not to mention, the people working there are so fucking polite, It’s like they’re actually happy to be there.  Not like those ‘ethnic’ people with bad attitudes working at McDonald’s who act like you’re inconveniencing them by asking for a refill on your iced tea. I wouldn’t have to ask if you just put the tea out on the fucking counter, asshole! I didn’t want to have to interact with you either!

In summation, it’s a nice idea to be true to your beliefs and everything, but that usually means not getting what you want, or paying four times as much for organic, or leaving your house to go to the struggling mom and pop store when Amazon will deliver that shit to your front door the next day for cheaper than what you would pay for gas. A great man once said “Give me convenience, or give me death.”

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